US Open!!

Post by **mccutcheon** » Sun Sep 02, 2001 7:14 am

Patric vs Pete
Caparati vs Schett
McCutcheon vs The World

Post by **mccutcheon** » Sun Sep 02, 2001 6:06 pm

Day 7!!!!! of the US Open features a lineup of some of the greatest names in tennis. During the day session, Lindsay Davenport, Serena Williams and Justine Henin are just some of the top women's players who will take the court, yes that is true but so will Boomin' Barbara Schett who comes and visits me in my dreams and is a long shot but I'm pulling for her. And in the mens Andy teen idol Roddick, Lleyton I sear I'm not a racist, mate Hewitt and good and bad Goran Ivanisevic will highlight the men's action. This evening, both No. 1 seeds Martina I love Kyle Hingis and Gustavo everyone knows my name Kuerten will take center stage. Let the fun begin. At this stage it's all skill.

Post by **mccutcheon** » Sun Sep 02, 2001 8:38 pm

I have a Patric Rafter beard. It's itchy and sexy.

Post by **mccutcheon** » Sun Sep 02, 2001 9:34 pm

Lleyton Hewitt shook off the smattering of boos that accompanied his walk onto the Louis Armstrong Stadium court Sunday morning and systematically picked apart Albert Portas in a three-set, fourth round romp. Hewitt, the No. 4 seed, needed just 27 minutes to take the first set against the 26th-seeded Portas and the Spaniard never recovered. Portas hurt himself throughout the match, committing 53 unforced errors as opposed to 26 for Hewitt.

Hewitt, who was at the center of a controversy over remarks he made to the chair umpire during his victory over American James Blake at Armstrong Stadium on Friday, will play No. 16 seed Tommy Haas in the round of 16.

And in that match no foot faults will be called.

Post by **mccutcheon** » Mon Sep 03, 2001 3:32 am

Monica is defeated!

Post by **mccutcheon** » Mon Sep 03, 2001 8:24 pm

jennifer easily beat barbara. boo.

Post by **mccutcheon** » Tue Sep 04, 2001 12:10 am

well Patrick lost to Pete. at least now I can shave my beard.

Post by **mccutcheon** » Tue Sep 04, 2001 8:51 pm

Pat oh Pat oh why oh why?

Top seeded Gustavo curly headed guy Kuerten of Brazil won in sportif inspirational fashion Sunday night and yesterday Patirc the Ozmiester Rafter lost in grim poopy poop. This hurts. I still haven't been able to shave my Patrick Rafter beard off. See, when I'm out there on the court, and it's been almost an hour and we are in the third set, under the hot sun, and I have my sun tan lotion on, and I'm down a break, I always ask myself, "What would Parick Rafter do?" Then I go and double fault. Now I'll have to ask myself, "What would Gustavo Kuerten do?" before I double fault.

Post by **mccutcheon** » Wed Sep 05, 2001 4:59 am

So there I am, in the middle of a tense match, when I ask, "What would Gustavo Kuerten do?" And he answered me, only it was in Portuguese and I didn't understand. Now I want to know who the girl was sitting next to Gustavo's mum tonight. if that is his girlfriend, man it really isn't fair. Why can't I be ranked number one in the world? My serve, my forehand, backbackhand? Oh okay. That might be part of it, but you know when they do those images from the Open and they put some enthusiastic cheesey music to it (Rocky theme and shit like that) and it's players running around making great shots but also players hitting their heads with rackets and swearing up at the sky and all that? Well I'm really good at pained expressions. I practice in front of a mirror.

Serna moves on. Andy takes the court. Oh I see Bill Murry, I think I'll go say hello.

Post by **mccutcheon** » Wed Sep 05, 2001 8:14 am

Bill Murray is funny. His humor helped me with Patrick's defeat. He said Johnny Mac is in a 10 step program for anger management. And I shaved my beard. Young Andy crushed 'em. And who the hell is Star Jones?

Post by **mccutcheon** » Wed Sep 05, 2001 9:34 pm

Damn who brought out the nats last night?!

With that last post I've passed the posts for the Big W which was called 'I'm a lover osf sports so I'm posting this here' for some reason. anyway no living in the past.

No. 4 seed Lleyton watching my tongue, mate Hewitt completed the final piece of the men's quarterfinal puzzle Wednesday with a rain-delayed win over No. 16 Tommy call me Tom Haas.He will face Young teen throb stud Andy, who got the best genes out of his parents, man his mum is ugly. sorry but it's true. And she will never ever read this and if by chance she does I'll deny the whole thing.

Defending champions Venus it's not safe to dance Williams and Marat loco Safin are back-to-back on Arthur Ashe Stadium this afternoon, which sets the stage for tonight's quarterfinal showdowns between Jennifer who is in great shape and still a little pudgy Capriati-Soprano and Amelie bee sting Mauresmo, followed by the big one: Andre from mullet to bald all in one carrer Agassi vs. Pete ape like but a nice guy if not a little dull Sampras. Catch up on all the marquee matchups on The Pax Acidus McCutcheon Cam!!!! Hidden somewhere in the girl's shower room.

Post by **mccutcheon** » Thu Sep 06, 2001 1:39 am

Venus in Furs beat up the Belgian, now it's the old American foggies. Hope there will some drama.

Does anyone remember Jim Courrier? I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't. He was the most boring player in men's tennis history. I single handedly blame him for putting me off the Americans. Now with Andy there seems some hope.

Let's see what the old guys can do and let's hope it's not all too poliet and routine.

Speeling mistakes are brought to you by Prince

Post by **mccutcheon** » Thu Sep 06, 2001 3:59 am

Jennifer beat The Lesbo! Now isn't that mean? Yes! Cunt face M.H. called Amiele a half-man. See how mean these girls can be?

Post by **mccutcheon** » Thu Sep 06, 2001 4:50 am

Andre vs. Pete: 1st set: Andre wins it 9-7 in a tie break after Pete was up 6-3 with three set points. Wow.

This page will refresh after two minutes. Okay no it won't.

Post by **mccutcheon** » Thu Sep 06, 2001 8:24 am

Andre never lost his serve and still lost the match. Every set was decided by a tie breaker, or heart breaker, if you will.

Thee match statistics reflected both players' style of play. Sampras, a serve and volleyer, won 95 of 135 net approaches as opposed to Agassi, a powerful groundstroke specialist, who was 12 of 21. Sampras will play the No. 3 seed and last year's Open champion Marat Safin in one of Saturday's semifinals.

Sampras now leads the all-time rivalry with Agassi 18-14. In Grand Slams, Sampras leads 5-3.

Agassi and Sampras each were making their ninth quarterfinals appearance in the US Open. Coming in to tonight's match, both were 7-1, with their only loss coming to Jim boring cunt Courier.

Last meeting between Agassi and Sampras in a Grand Slam event was the semifinals of the 2000 Australian Open. Agassi won the match in five sets.

Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe met 33 times during a 15 year stretch, the only recent rivalry which compares in longevity to the Agassi-Sampras one. McEnroe had a 20-13 series advantage over Conners, including 6-3 in Grand Slam events.

The last time two players 30 years or older played each other in the Open was 1984 when Jimmy Connors, 32, topped John Lloyd, 30, in straight sets.

Sampras has held serve for 71 straight games in this year's Open.