One Horse Town- a play

[mccutcheon]

Below is from Chapter 4. Not even edited once. But Jake I want to turn it into a play called One Horse Town. Staring you when you get here. Wanna do this project with me this summer in New York? Let me know and I'll send you there play version of it. Plus I didn't put in the ending because I gotta save something right?

Chapter 4

In clear-minded hindsight I should have turned back. It wasn't the guy's pumps. There was a problem with the truck's gas tank. It was faulty and for some reason and it never allowed the petrol to pour freely. It took over an hour to fill. I had to stand in fifty below zero wind chill factor weather with my fingers freezing every time I stopped for gas. Truckers would try to help with their unfriendly advice. They all thought I was a stupid city kid who couldn't pump gas.

As these things go (across county) when you are miserable and fighting off a cold and feeling ripped off for renting a piece of shit truck and it couldn't possibly get any worse, of course it did. Between Bozeman and Billings Montana I got a flat tire. I was forced to the side of the road. I pulled as far to the right as possible but didn't want to get caught in the snow banks crowding the shoulder. Semi trucks rushed by making the U Haul violently vibrate. At any moment an 18-wheeler was going to slam into the U Haul and tear everything I own and myself to shreds. It was a precarious situation I was desperate to get out of. Only my cell phone didn't work.

After trying numerous times to receive a signal I had to jump out and try to flag down a passing vehicle. After three hours a nice motorist from Bellevue stopped to help me. We called U Haul support. I told them the marker number of I- 90 I was stranded at. The man from Bellevue took off and after waiting another four hours without the tow truck showing I drove the fifty miles to the next town for help. I arrive as it starts to go dark.

The truck thumps down the off ramp. I park truck on the street next to the garage. There isn't a parking lot or driveway. I've heard the term ‘One horse town' but this is the first time I've ever been to one. There was a tiny main street with the garage, a bar, a church, and at the end of the road a horse tied to a post.

Three kids were mingling around a flag poll. When I got out of the truck they stood and stared like I was an alien. I was dressed in blue jeans and bundled in a winter coat and ski hat. I couldn't have been more nondescript. They must not have gotten many people stopping by.

“How's it going?� I ask.

They don't respond. Probably warned not to talk to strangers.

I walk into the garage. When I opened the door a bell attached tinkles. There is a woman playing solitaire. Not on a computer, she was using real playing cards. It was a comfortably quaint sight but I wasn't sure this woman would be able to help me.

“Hi.� I say.

The woman looks up.



“ ‘Ello.�

“I got a flat tire. Think you can change it?�

“Jimmy will be back in the morning.�

“Where is Jimmy now?� I wondered where Jimmy could go.

“ ‘E's down at Chucks.�

“Chucks?�

“Yes.�

“What's that?�

“Chucks is The Updike?�

“The Updike?�

“Yes, the bar down yonder. Chuck owns the Updike.�

“Maybe I'll go say hello.�

“Free country.� She says.

I open the door.

“You gonna stay parked there out front like that?� The woman asks.

“Yeah, I got a flat tire. Besides it's a free country, right.�
“Guess so.�

I walk three doors down to The Updike. There is one man behind the bar and there is one man laying prone, passed out in the middle of the floor. There is no one else in the bar. It looks like Jimmy is a drunk. Maybe I can sober him up with coffee and still get out of here tonight.

“You Chuck?� I ask the bartender.

“No, that's Chuck.� The bartender nods toward the floor. “I'm Jimmy. What can I get you mister?�

“Oh, you are Jimmy?�

“That's what I said mister.�

This guy isn't any older than me. And I've never been called mister before.

“Well, Jimmy, I got a flat tire and the woman at the garage said you could fix it.�

“Yup, I can. In the morning.�

“Not now?�

“I'm working here now.�

I look around at the deserted bar. The time might be happy hour but I'm the only patron.

“Couldn't we do it now?�

“I have to run the bar.�

“But there isn't anyone in here?�

“Maggie will come in when she closes up.�

“Maggie?�

“Yeah, Maggie runs the garage.�

“But, um, when will that be?�

Jimmy looks at his watch.

“An hour.�

“Couldn't we change it in an hour.�

“I'm in charge here mister.�

“What about Chuck, couldn't he cover for you? This is an emergency.�

Jimmy looks down at Chuck.

“Hey Chuck, we got ourselves an emergency.�

Chuck doesn't budge.

[bfj]

yeah let's do it, and yeah you gotta save something. me "do it yourself, I've got to save some fucking starving africans!!!" send me the play version too...

rforegger@yahoo.com

[bfj]

and i've wandered into quite a bit of one horse towns in my traveling, been called faggot, fucked the girlfriend of the guy who called me faggot, and been chased out of town by the guy who called me faggot...

[sara]

You have got the worst traveling luck of any people I know. Jesus!

Your dialogue is really good (interesting). I like that you're not using tags. That makes the dialogue read faster. I don't know if that's what you're going for. But tags slow things down.

I don't like the name Maggie in this context, which might just be a personal thing, but it seems like a predictable name here.

You start shifting tenses somewhere in there.

Chuck owns The Updike: Chuck's.

[mccutcheon]

thanks Sara, I know there are lots of faults. I just put it up to give Jake the idea of where it was going.

[sara]

yes, I could gather that.

Good luck.