Italian Maria Elana Camerin lost last night to Elmmer Fud who lives in Laguna Beach O.C., but she sure looked good doing it. Ashely Harkelod wears a W.W.J.D. wrist ban. I'm off her.
Oh yeah, Mardy Fish lost yesterday as well. He was ranked 3rd in the States, which means he is better than me. A couple days ago Anna was in the players' locker room, not because she is playing, but because she is working for the USA cable network covering the Open. She asked Mardy if he was going to be taking in any sites in the Big Apple. He said he might go to the MTV awards. She said cool. Than he said with a smirk, staring hard at Anna's well rounded apples, you wanna go with me? Anna blushed and giggled. Too bad she didn't go, we could have used even more hot blonde (real or not) lesbian love 9real or not). Just think Madonna, Brittany, Christina and Anna all in deep tongued passion, kissing the way Tommy kisses the Blarney Stone. But then wait, what is this? Is it Jarvis Cocker storming the stage to frighten Mikey Jackson? No, it's McCutcheon getting in on the action. And he's entangled in a Brittany, Christina, Anna sandwich with all that fine young flesh, groping, and all that long blonde hair (real or not) wrapped around him in lesbian lust (real or not- it really doesn't matter in the heat of the moment-it's all showbiz). And just when he is about to break all the FAA regulations and get it on he gets sat on by Missy Elliot. Fun over. Talk about your deflated letdowns.
Agassi looked awesome last night. Watching him play gives me the same tingles as when Brittany put her hand down my pants. And Mardy might be gone, but the US still has young Andy (playing under the lights tonight), James Blake who grew up in Harlem and attended Harvard, and old man Todd Martin. Now I'm one year older than Todd, but have you seen this guy? He looks 45. Still, he too is better than me. Oh yeah, and we also have 20 year old Robby Ginepri who is dating Minnie Driver. Minnie got into a little tiff last night right before she boarded a plane to head back to London. It all started when Minnie saw me kissing 16 year-old Russian Maria Sharapova right before her loss last night.
Minnie- McCutcheon you dirty old fool. Leave the kid alone.
McCutcheon- Fuck off Minnie ya slag, you are robbing the cradle, or should that be Robbying the cradle.
Minnie- you are breaking the law. The girl has to concentrate on her tennis.
Being a better person, I just walked away and went to hit on Andy's girlfriend Mandy Moore. Still, shame Maria lost. All the hotties lose. But I'll still watch.