Bulletin Board of Bad Behavior

After a day of travel I’m back home. I’ve leaped the bounds of squalor to the lap of luxury. The plane ride was non eventful, which in these times is a very good thing. Also the morning sex and two valiums before boarding helped. On the flight my brother and I both got aisle seats next to each other. Then this obese woman carrying a crying baby gets on (no this was not first class) and she is frantic because she doesn’t know where she will sit. She screams, “I want to sit with my husband, but he is a bit big. Can anyone move over so we can sit together with a seat between us?” This lead to Zac laughing out loud (on top of the valium we had a few beers) and he said, “Her husband is a bit big!” but he moved over for the fatty. The shock quickly ended when a lumbering 350 plus hulk came thundering down the plane, simultaneously bumping into people sitting on both aisles. The husband had arrived. We had to me heading home to Wisconsin.

Now I’ve kissed my mum and dad. We had a brief chat. Then it’s time for a bit of typing. I’ve sat down in my dad’s computer room with a platter of baby clams, smoked Gouda, mustered herring, cashews and lox on little toast, and I’m drinking it down with a bottle of fancy 1984 Bordeaux. It’s good to be home.

oh and they lost my luggage.

Tonight it will be Lynn, Lisa, Kyle and me all back together again. Last time we met in the summer 'the lost week in Wisconsin' was quite a laugh. Tonight proves to be more of the same, just with a bit more snow. Also I have a woman flying 3/4 across the country on X mas day to see me, for the third time ever! I must be a hell of a kisser! Of course, I'll keep you posted. Literally!

pics from the 'lost week in wisconsin'

http://www.paxacidus.com/gallery/imagess22.html

http://www.paxacidus.com/gallery/imagess23.html

So I told Rachael that I will go shopping with her and help pick out what I want to alleviate the stress she must be under trying to get me something I will really like, something expensive, because as she made adamantly clear, it’s not like she can’t afford it. She said, “No Thanks.”

As she walked out the door I shouted after her, “Two Technics SL-1210 MK II please!” But I don’t think she heard me.

I’m going to give her a copy of my poem Druggy Slutty Girls because I think it's priceless to give something you have made and comes from the heart.

http://www.paxacidus.com/read/read_druggy.html

Zac, said we should all chip in to buy my parents a new mobile phone for the house. The mobile phone they have now has problems with the # 7 button. You press the number 7 and sometimes it doesn't register. Most numbers in this area begin 377- so you could see how that would be a problem. Zac thought if we split it three ways it would be a nice (cheap for us), useful gift. Rachael said she already bought them a new phone on her own. We told her thanks and to put our names on the card. Rachael is trying to change her flight to leave the day after Christmas.I'm sure she will change her mind after she recieves my present.

Now I'm of into the city to have some holiday cheer!

Isn’t being home with family for the holidays great! Like the conversation I just had with my LITTLE sister who told me I’m wasting my life. Her argument, she makes more money in a month than I do in a year. I yelled back, “But you like Dr. Laura! At least I’m not going to hell!” She said, “I don’t like Dr. Laura that much anymore. She is getting cancelled in most markets.”

We are supposed to see Lord of the Rings as a family. My sister is talking long distance to her boyfriend, and he didn’t like it. Now she doesn’t want to go. My brother worked the film opening night in Seattle for our company, and said he would even see it again. http://www.eworksinc.com/

This is Rachael’s conversation with said b-friend. “What? It’s really long? Three hours! Yeah, I hate that when you sit in a movie and look at your watch…blah blah blah”

It’s the Lord of the Rings for fucks’ sake! It’s an epic! It should be ten hours long. AHHHHH!!!!! People, I swear. And they come from my own family!

There you go little sis, I hope this will teach you to tell me my web site sucks! I’m going for a run so I don’t pull my hair out. Then I'm going to get into a big tub to read Holidays On Ice by David Sedaris.

Oh-uh. I just found out my sister hasn’t bought me my Christmas present yet. Who would think, of anyone in our family, she would be the one to do last minute shopping? I could have blown it. Now I might not get something good. I better go make amends.

Last night with Lynn, Lisa, Kyle and me was great. What a great group of people we are. I even saw Rachael out last night and bought her a drink. As of now she is staying for the Boxing Day party. And people, this is the party of the year! (Rosie is flying over 3/4ths of the country just to attend!!!)

Rachael and I actually had a good talk and she said she is in a very stressful job and has trouble sleeping, though she added the half million she makes a year helps pay for her shrink.

Kyle wants to know two things. #1 How can Lynn possibly be any more beautiful and #2 who made him member old skool when he used to be number seventy-seven?

I think the Sloth might have some of these answers, but the last email I got from him was something like this...

"I'm in Boston with my brother, his wife and their enfant baby. The baby is so cute.
We just got an 8 ball and are driving to Florida."

So we might never get those answers.

Kyle gave me two X mas presents, a book on Baudelaire
(Bau·de·laire
Pronunciation: bOd-'lar, -'ler
Function: biographical name
Charles-Pierre 1821-1867 French poet; wrote novel La Fanfarlo (1847), essays, poems Les Fleurs du mal (1857, 1861, 1868); viewed as earliest, finest poet of modernism in French, forerunner of Symbolists.

And a bottle of port! Yeah!

No one has seen my brother in two days.

Last night Zac and I went down to get Rosie in Chicago at the Midway airport because she has flown in from Seattle to attend this nights Boxing Day Party. Midway airport in on the Southside (but I didn’t see Gwen Stefani-shame), and it’s so small that the bathrooms are single stall bathroom. Usually airports have these big fucking bathrooms with 20 stalls and 40 urinals. These were one per person.


On the drive Rosie asked Zac where he was. he said he was in Milwaukee doing coke for 48 hours.

On the way home we stopped into a townie bar (think of the film Beautiful Girls) not far from my parents farmhouse. I first ran into Ryan, who had posted that the next time he saw me he would kill mo dead or something. So I went over and kicked him in the ass. He turned around and put up his dukes but it was a playful gesture and I put up my fists as well. Then we hugged and said Merry Christmas and it was a bit awkward. So I went back to Rosie. Then about a half hour later I went to their table and asked Ryan’s wife Marcie if I could buy them a pitcher. She said yes, so I did. When I brought the pitcher to their table she snatched it away from me and didn’t even say thanks or give a cheers. She is still a rude bitch.

Later Zac, Rosie, an old friend Jonathan were at the bar doing shots. I leaned over Rosie and pitched Ryan’s ass as a joke because all the trouble in San Francisco stated when a day or so after we hung out Marcie accused me of flirting with her. I thought I’d rather flirt with Ryan, he is cuter anyway. Ryan turned around and I blamed it on Rosie who just laughed. We bought shots, and I gave tequila to Ryan, as he was about to drink it Marcie rushed over and poured the shot out.

“You leave him alone Matt, he is MY husband! Go back to your friends.” the angry Marcie shouted.

I’m not a young married couple, thank god, but I don’t understand this. I’m not some bimbo trying to break up their marriage. She acted like I was a floozie going after her man. Last time I checked a guy can buy an old friend a drink. So I did go back to Zac and Rosie and we had a good time.

Also Jack Chiefton was in the bar but he never came up and said hello.

Yeah, I'm quite the anti-socialite, I was running around all night looking for something, but never really found it. If you're going to be around for a while Mc, Post the next townie you will be visiting. I will surely buy you a drink. Anyways Ryan said some good looking blonde wanted to meet me, and I wasn't quite up to the challenge.

That's the way it goes Jack. I was going to invite you and Ryan and Marci to the Boxing Day Party (before all the crap) Too bad, half of Pax Acidus is here- we have Shanta, Kate the Great, my bro Zac, some girl Zac picked up in a bar this afternoon, Rosie, Lynn, Lisa, Kyle, a few drunk Europeans- every party needs drunk Europeans! And also last night I even asked Ryan who you were and he said you were over there and pointed but I didn't see you I guess. Tonight we launched potatoes- more on that later. Kyle is flying to England tomorrow. I hope we write later....

aww, christ. McCutcheon is milking me for every crazy drunken drugged out escapade that the Sloth and I had in Europe ten years ago. They're good stories, but im sick of telling 'em. We're going to put them in an anthology, but I dont like attention always being drawn to me and my stories.
Wait, fuck that! I LOVE attention being drawn to me and my stories

McCutcheon is a great host to have me over for boxing day, but he knows my stories are better than his. i think his girlfriend is more interested in me too...

Vive McCutcheon! ViVe le Boxing Day!

Gotta go drink more...tomorrow I fly to London!

See you in London Pax Acidus (Ill ransack sloths flat)

oh, one more thing

I swear to god McCutcheon's brother Zack is shrinking. On a good day, in my boots, I might be 5" 8'. Summer before last when I met Z. he was three inches taller than me. Now we're the same size. Mc C's brother is shrinking!

Mc C. thinks there's mental shrinkage too, but I cant attest to that...

Pax Acidus Forever (I'm gonna go get drunker)

K

P.S. (young at heart note) we're all young at heart. Mc C. got a potato launcher for x-mas and earlier tonight we were out on his, porch firing it, and it was me Mc C. and 4 13-year olds and we were all like "Let's launch some fuckin' potatoes!"

I said to Mc C., we're both 30, they're all 15.

It's not how old you are. It's how old you feel.

That’s one of those nights like were are all dancing to the memories of our best nights because we are having on of the best nights as it happens, making good history, glad to be alive. Though I would be a liar if I was to say that there was, are, moments of drama! Rosie got lost in a barn until we started to pelt it with potatoes. Then my 10 year old cousin tried to pick up Rosie. Now Rosie who I’ve know for about a week and has flown out her from Seattle might be beautiful, sexy, foxy, smart, wealthy, and give the best blow jobs on the planet- but it’s hard to be put into the Pax Acidus fray when it’s sink and swim. I asked my cousin if he thought Rosie was sexy and he beamed at me and said YES! He is a McCutcheon and could be the king who takes over for me when I get assassinated like a Roman Empire. As for my girlfriend who likes Kyle well that is Lynn who KYLE fucking fancies to no degree, make no doubt, we are all fancy and funky free tonight. The 100 or so people have left and now it’s down to Pax Acidus to make Kyle miss his flight. As for his stories being better than mine, well he might have one to tell soon. I usually make my flights, except that one time in Singapore, but like they say, that too is another story!