As many of you know I've been in crusing in Mexico for a few weeks. I have decided to stay a little longer until I can't feel my liver anymore.
It is fucking hot and wonderful as usual. 83 degrees at the hottest. I spend all day reading or drinking and all night eating and drinking. My reading material is my novel for editing purposes (which I hardly touched because that is actual work), A Kerouac biography (I've read them all now), a book by Tom Robbins called Another Roadside Attraction (which I read ten pages of before coming to the conclusion it sucked... and so I let Linda read it to confirm this theory; which she did).
I also had along a collection of Raymond Carvers works as inspired by Marky. I do not like that guy. I fail to see anything special in his writing. Sorry.
And the winner of them all was a collection of short stories by Roald Dahl. He is my new favorite writer. The guy rocks. He is a Welsh cunt, but surely we can forgive him.
Have fun in Norte Americano
Mexico
Cabo San Lucas is a town 1200 miles south of the border in Baja California. Right on the tip where the Sea of Cortez meets the Pacific. There is not much of a town there. It is basically just a buch of moutains and beaches. All the beaches have bars. I never wanted to leave this place. I hate everything North of the border. Mexico is so superior in every way to America. To illustrate my point in Cabo San Lucas we went to a pub on the beach at around 11:00 am. I got a seat on a lounge chair not 20 feet from the refreshing breeze of the ocean waters. A waiter came down and I ordered 2 beers which came to four dollars. But not two beers came but FOUR. It's always 2 for one in Cabo San Lucas. Gotta stay competitive with all the other beach pubs I guess. So after our second or third round a guy comes around with a huge prosthetic penis and pours shots of tequila down our throats. An hour later they announce they are having a 'drinking' contest. I enter of course and get three more free shots of tequila and a beer. I don't do so well in the drinking contest. It's rigged I guess. It has more to do with tight stomach muscles than drinking so I guess I never stood a chance. After that I was so drunk I went next door and had a great meal for like $10.00
In Mazatlan, further down the West coast of Mexico, you can see the Pacifico brewery as you wnter town. We decided to take a city tour of the place because it was a large city and the bus was an open trolley sort of vehicle and it was too fucking hot to walk around. All the other people on the tour seemed to be dorks. I stopped at the first stop and picked up a bunch of beer for people at the liquor store. I started drinking on the street corner. A military looking guy in his 40 with s huge fat wife asks me if its legal to drink on the street. I say 'yes'. And then I hand him a beer. He gets a look like a naughty kid and drinks the beer and goes back in the store and buys a shitload more beer. Soon everyone on the beer is buying beer and the tour becomes a lot more fun. We all tell jokes and me and Linda amuse everyone by skinny dipping on a non-nude beach and everything gets blurry and we all stop and eat at a gorgeous restaurant terrace overlooking the ocean.
By the time we reach Peurto Vallarta, I am getting sick of Mexican food and my Southern European genes are on the lookoput for a pizza place. On the way to the beach we pass a store and i go inside and I am too hungover to drink beer. Luckliy they had Bartles and James for about 90 cents each. I fill my backpack with them and head to the beach. After a few hours I am pissed and Linda is pissed off because I promised her I would take her snorkeling but all we do is drink and read Roald Dahl stories and laugh and eat quesadillas in beachside restaurants.
If I lived in Mexico, I would grow a mullet to blend in. Everyone still smokes cigarettes and they only cost $1.50 a pack. All the girls wear plaid Catholic school uniforms like in Scotland and that makes me horny and Linda got a good one behind the rocks where no one could see us.
You can rent an apartment by the beach for $400 per month... and tequila costs $5.00 a bottle. The only negatives are all the goddam trinket merchants trying to sell us shit.
I could spend every winter in Mexico. I'm not fucking coming home. Even the Internet cafes are only $2.00 per hour even in the keyboards don't seem to have any "at" signs.
In Mazatlan, further down the West coast of Mexico, you can see the Pacifico brewery as you wnter town. We decided to take a city tour of the place because it was a large city and the bus was an open trolley sort of vehicle and it was too fucking hot to walk around. All the other people on the tour seemed to be dorks. I stopped at the first stop and picked up a bunch of beer for people at the liquor store. I started drinking on the street corner. A military looking guy in his 40 with s huge fat wife asks me if its legal to drink on the street. I say 'yes'. And then I hand him a beer. He gets a look like a naughty kid and drinks the beer and goes back in the store and buys a shitload more beer. Soon everyone on the beer is buying beer and the tour becomes a lot more fun. We all tell jokes and me and Linda amuse everyone by skinny dipping on a non-nude beach and everything gets blurry and we all stop and eat at a gorgeous restaurant terrace overlooking the ocean.
By the time we reach Peurto Vallarta, I am getting sick of Mexican food and my Southern European genes are on the lookoput for a pizza place. On the way to the beach we pass a store and i go inside and I am too hungover to drink beer. Luckliy they had Bartles and James for about 90 cents each. I fill my backpack with them and head to the beach. After a few hours I am pissed and Linda is pissed off because I promised her I would take her snorkeling but all we do is drink and read Roald Dahl stories and laugh and eat quesadillas in beachside restaurants.
If I lived in Mexico, I would grow a mullet to blend in. Everyone still smokes cigarettes and they only cost $1.50 a pack. All the girls wear plaid Catholic school uniforms like in Scotland and that makes me horny and Linda got a good one behind the rocks where no one could see us.
You can rent an apartment by the beach for $400 per month... and tequila costs $5.00 a bottle. The only negatives are all the goddam trinket merchants trying to sell us shit.
I could spend every winter in Mexico. I'm not fucking coming home. Even the Internet cafes are only $2.00 per hour even in the keyboards don't seem to have any "at" signs.
Mexico is wonderful. My basbeall team used to have it's spring training in Northern Mexico. It was amazing, we'd play on dirt fields with half buried tires as fences while drunken Mexicans marvelled at our 19 yeard old asses. After the games there would be barbeques, drinking and dancing. Awesome time. Only place where you can get a bottle of tequila and a blow job for $20.00. I miss it so much I cry.
Chi Chi Rodriguez should be on the bus.
I have decided to move to Mexico and become a professional golfer.
Brett... what are you doing around x-mas? Me and the wife are going to be in Vancouver for the weekend after x-mas. It would be cool to see you and kim and the wee bairn and maybe hook up for dinner.
I have decided to move to Mexico and become a professional golfer.
Brett... what are you doing around x-mas? Me and the wife are going to be in Vancouver for the weekend after x-mas. It would be cool to see you and kim and the wee bairn and maybe hook up for dinner.
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Tommy Martyn
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mccutcheon
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Tommy Martyn
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sara
Once Upon a Time in Mexico, there were Johnny Depp, Roald Dahl, and paxacidus
quote from Johnny Depp in Rolling Stone's 2003 Yearbook:
"And hopefully, in the middle of next year, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Tim [Burton]. I may have to do that. It'd be insane not to. You know, it's an amazing character that Roald Dahl created -- all the characters, but certainly Willy Wonka."
quote from Johnny Depp in Rolling Stone's 2003 Yearbook:
"And hopefully, in the middle of next year, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory with Tim [Burton]. I may have to do that. It'd be insane not to. You know, it's an amazing character that Roald Dahl created -- all the characters, but certainly Willy Wonka."