'the filthy french'

[martino]

in my opinion, there were about two or three important inventions in the last 50-or so years: the espresso machine; perhaps the safety belt; and the bidet. everybody drinks espresso nowadays and most cars have seat belts but why is it that that most noble of french inventions is not more popular outside of france?

americans for some reason think the french are unclean but i think this is hogwash. i say the french are beautiful and smart and fragrant. why shower twice a day if you can freshen up quickly? let me tell you this: there is nothing nicer, before you visit your loved one's bedroom, than taking a quick pee and then using the bidet to wash your private parts. it gives you an unchallengeable sense of well-being and security and makes it easy to ask for a kiss or a bite in the nether areas. likewise, knowing your partner is clean and fresh adds to the fun of putting your tongue where the sun doesn't shine.

post-coitus, using a bidet sure beats the indignity of washing at a washbasin. all that splashing gets on my nerves, and on my trousers too. the alternative of not washing afterwards, to linger in the comfort of one's partner's juices, is only good in cool climate zones, and also depends on your friends and your kin having no crotch-sniffing dogs.

this is no modern bacteriophobe prissiness: even the kamasutra mentions that you need to smell good at most times so as to be prepared for spontaneous couplings. by the way, i am not just talking about the barbarian germans; i think there is some evidence that the funky-ass syndrome is not uncommon in the US as well.

so there you are. i recommend that next time you redecorate, you get a bidet installed. alternatively, you can always relocate to france.

[Julien]

When I was waiting at the self service today, the girl
beside me asked me :
"You're wearing 'Le Male' de Jean-Paul Gautier, aren't you ?". I answered that all I wanted was happyness
and good. I was trying to be funny (even in french, it's not funny :-).

Sadly, there's no bidet at work, should I ask for one ?

[mccutcheon]

that would make the meetings around the water cooler all the more better.

[martino]

julien: you're french, so go out and demonstrate. perhaps your local union will assist.