Bulletin Board of Bad Behavior

So what's the deal about heroin man? I just found out this past week that a guy I used to consider a good friend of mine admitted to me he had been a heroin addict for the last year. I was so shocked. I mean...just completely staggered, shocked. I hadn't seen him very much for a long time, but that was nothing new as he was an alcoholic before that a few years before that. I was just shocked to hear that anyone I knew had even bothered to try heroin. I realize Martin Hannett did heroin and Nico too but I've never personally known anyone who did it and I'm completely disgusted. What is wrong with this guy? I mean I remember what he was like circa 98-00 when he used to laugh and make funny jokes and was just vibrant...he hasn't been like that for about 5 years, man. It's not easy watching the slow death of a friend. Somehow I'm unable to let go. I should have let go of him years ago I guess. Stupid me. I wonder if he'll ever recover.

So he goes into treatment. Maybe I'll never hear from him again. Fuck if I care. His choice right? There's a lot of water under the bridge by now and besides would you trust a former heroin addict? I just wanted to be friends with that dude. He shut me out a long, long time ago but I never gave up.

That ought to damn well count for something.

Heroin = big fucking waste of life. I remember two years in the University district fighting with the shitbags next door. As sad as it is true, sometimes even Nancy Reagan is right. Nobody ever walked down the street and fell on a needle and got hooked.

i had a friend once, probably the best friend i've ever had -- in high school and my first few years of college. i've written a lot of stories about him, but we were as close as two people could be, but for a while killing himself any way that he could was more important than life.

he tried just about everything and he was ashamed of some of the stuff that he had gotten into, so he started telling me lies and other people would come to me and say blah,blah,blah, and i'd defend him. it was pretty rough. but the weird thing is, i never really think of him that way, as a liar, drug abuser, alcoholic, those things. the only bad memory i have of him is when he jumped off a bridge in front of me. he was so fucked up that he went into work and worked an entire shift after that, with a broken leg.

that's the only really bad memory.

i don't know though. some people go through some shit inside that is so bad that they can't get out of it on their own. he was like that, and i think what hurt me and drove a wedge between us was that he did not trust me with himself enough to tell me the truth because i would have loved him in spite of that shit.

it's really weird but i wrote a story that i almost posted here years ago about him, it's called there is a certain empire of light. the title is half a line from an emily dickenson poem and half the title of a magritte painting. it's about the night he jumped off the bridge. i haven't thought about it since i wrote that story. until now.

Yes, that's what it was. My friend admitted to being "ashamed" of doing "methadone/heroin" - so STUPID as if I'd judge him better if he mentioned methadone first!!!! COWARD!

I got really pissed off in fact, I ended up writing him a very pissed off, angry email once I'd had about 4 days to get over the shock.

I just want to understand: at WHAT point does life get to be unbearable enough to try heroin?

Cause I can't understand. 'E's in a treatment house right now, my friend. An old friend who I don't even know anymore.

I said to him right, you could have come to all these people who care about you, but you didn't, you had to do heroin instead...I just can't understand. Heroin is like the ultimate high at the ultimate cost. And the cost alone makes me want to throw up. There's nothing to be gained from heroin.

Reading more of your post now, Sarah, and feeling psychically overwhelemed...

Too drunk right now. Way too drunk. The music is taking control. God bless you.

I've got baked beans right now, Did you know about the English Heinz Baked Beans?

Also I made pumpkin "muffins" last night. I'm rather pleased with my hard work except that they didn't rise very much.

You don't understand how much I love pumpkin. It's really about the best vegetable in the world. Also I have been drinking Pumpkin Ale nonstop.

Can't get sober today. Rainy Seattle. Air from the window outside. Nick Drake loves us all.

I'm so drunk I'm playing Linda Rondstat from the 70's. Yeah, it's that bad.

Also when I get stoned here enough in a minute I'm going to play Sonic Youth's "Disappearer" which I heard on the radio a few weeks ago and what a blast from the past cause that was my favourite song on "Goo" no lie. I used to be so attracted to what's his name? The singer...Thurston Moore. Yeah he was one of my three guys in all of rock music ever that turned me on. But somewhere along the way, Mark Kozelek took his place.

As it happens I'm not playing either of them now, but the latest LCD Soundsystem, Nike paid for it, how depressingly corrupt to think that Nike paid for it, but god....a 45 minute disco track I fucking can't resist that shit.

The thing says it's 45 minutes and 33 seconds which would make it the same speed as both 12" singles and LP's.

Too drunk, can't do it. But don't you understand what 45:33 means?

45 RPM records

vs.

33 RPM records

Too drunk. Can't handle what is pumping in my stereo speakers now.

Also I accidentally crumpled a Marilyn Monroe photo out of my printer so that makes me sad.

BUT LCD SOUNDSYSTEM KNOW HOW TO MAKE US DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck you if I don't follow it up with some classic r&b/disco records.

Too drunk.

And what about "Dirty Boots"?

This is the very best of Sonic Youth. If you have the Goo album and the Dirty album you are set for life as far as Sonic Youth goes.

ALL THE PICTURES i TRY TO POST FUCK UP ON ME

EVEN KIM GORDON

AND HER SONG FOR THE WOMAN IN THE CARPENTERS NAMED...WHAT WAS HER NAME??? tOO DRUNK TO REMEMBER RIGHT NOW...kAREN! THAT'S IT!

karen carpenTER

Sonic Youth "Goo" album...

too drunk