Those of you following the saga of my naughty son deserve to be brought up to date.
Mrs Tommy and I were called in with the head of lower school to talk about the disruptive behaviour. Things have changed since my day. The teacher flipped open her laptop and we watched ten minutes of footage, all of it bad, starring Henry.
There really is no debate about there being a problem. The question is what to do about it. We are off to the psychologist (not the drug toting psychiatrist-yet.) We need to know if this something the little fella can control. If it isn't then the current punitive policy with it's endless corrections is just cruel.
I've drastically shortened down what was a two hour meeting. I thought I should mention it though as my last post on this produced a response from just about everybody. I should add that my original feeling that the school just wanted to chuck him on drugs was way off the mark. They are in fact bending over backward to help him in any way.
I mentioned that Henry is a handful from the moment he wakes up. Getting dressed and fed before leaving for school are a daily battle for me. I thought this was the norm. (and it is for kids slightly younger) One of our stategies is that if he won't get dressed then I have permission to send him to school in what he is wearing when it is time to leave the house. I can also send him in with no breakfast, if he refuses to eat. (then call the school and they will give him a mid morning snack) In the past they have had kids dropped off in their underpants. Like I said earlier the important thing is to find out if he can control his behaviour or not. Otherwise you can see how this would be cruel.
School stuff
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Tommy Martyn
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Kids are dropped off in their underpants?
They encourage the use of speed and other addictive drugs?
They videotape the kids and show you the video on a laptop?
Tommy, see if little Henry has whiskey on his breath when he comes home and smells of cheap perfume.
My opinion is that's no elementary school. That's a kiddy porn studio.
They encourage the use of speed and other addictive drugs?
They videotape the kids and show you the video on a laptop?
Tommy, see if little Henry has whiskey on his breath when he comes home and smells of cheap perfume.
My opinion is that's no elementary school. That's a kiddy porn studio.
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TragicPixie
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I was visiting a friend this weekend, who happens to be an amazing teacher and something he developed made me think of your son.
Okay so - the situation in his classroom was there was one boy who was exceptionally bright and therefore usually got done faster... once you got him insterested in something and working on it he was fine. But doing this requires a great deal of patience and personal attention to this kid.
Now he discovered a lot of the mischief he caused was when he was finished or bored with a project.
So he came up with a solution: whenever the kid is bored or finished, etc. he acts like a robot. He stands up from his seat and starts spinning around making robot-like handmotions, etc. So my friend notices the kid, goes over, gets him back into it or whatever and the classroom disruptions, etc. have stopped.
I don't know if that's helpful or I've mentioned it before I Just thought I'd post it as an idea.
Okay so - the situation in his classroom was there was one boy who was exceptionally bright and therefore usually got done faster... once you got him insterested in something and working on it he was fine. But doing this requires a great deal of patience and personal attention to this kid.
Now he discovered a lot of the mischief he caused was when he was finished or bored with a project.
So he came up with a solution: whenever the kid is bored or finished, etc. he acts like a robot. He stands up from his seat and starts spinning around making robot-like handmotions, etc. So my friend notices the kid, goes over, gets him back into it or whatever and the classroom disruptions, etc. have stopped.
I don't know if that's helpful or I've mentioned it before I Just thought I'd post it as an idea.
Lie to me, it takes less time to drink you pretty.
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Tommy Martyn
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TragicPixie
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I'm making it (see blog)-
Tommy Martyn
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The story so far
Henry disruptive in class. We are called in by school. They ask us to send him to a psychologist............
I am given a list of five or six names. One of whom has a practice down the road from my house and is an ex- pupil of the school that Henry attends. (the blurb says he is familiar with the teaching style of the school.) It seems like the perfect fit. I call and set up an appointment through his secretary. The day of the meeting finally comes round. I'm sat in the lobby of this medical building and this fella walks round the corner and I look up and we both start laughing. We see each other everyday of the week at the gym. We have the "small world " conversation and then he asks if I'm awkward with the situation. I'm not, so he takes Henry in for an hour or so. He calls me in and asks if I could see him, along with my wife, in a few days.
The meeting is easily arranged and the pair of us are sat there awaiting his thoughts. The good news is that Henry is in the "gifted" group of kids. (Parents love to hear a word like gifted.) The bad news is that he is mildly ADD. The even badder news is that the constant reprimands that come along with this are making him sad. He is starting to feel that he is a"bad" person. (Please forgive the endless putting of things in quotation marks but I can't think of an easier way of getting this down on paper.) Dr Walker tells us at this age - and I guess for many other ages as well - it is better to not focus on direct educational ability but the emotional well being of a child. A kid who doesn't feel he is worthy through no fault of his own is a tragedy in th e making. It is explained to us that he needs a less structured school environment, such as Montessori - some of you will no doubt be familiar with this. Luckily he is at a school that has such a program. A few other schools in the area are mentioned. Tracy and I are making arrangements to see them. We were also given parenting guidelines, more of that when space permits.
So, armed with this information I head back to his school for a meeting. Now, remember that the school initiated all of this. I can recall the meeting, "we want to find what is best for Henry. We want to help Henry to succeed. etc. etc." I sit in with his teacher and a behavioural specialist and tell them the story. His teacher grasps it right away. She says something along the lines of, "so what we're doing at the moment is completely wrong and hurting Henry." Bingo. What a great teacher. Obviously we need to change things asap. Great. Glad we're all agreed. Except the behavioural specialist is all no,no, no ,no. Her body language and demeanour were all out of whack. I felt like she was taking it as personal criticism.
I didn't tell her to go fuck herself. Seeing as she does not know my son. I wonder how she came to her assessment. She starts blabbing on about how the Montessori program is quite structured and it is full and god knows what. I merely stated that I was not now or have I ever been in the habit of overiding the decisions of medical professionals. And until "someone" could show me compelling evidence to the contrary I was sticking with the expert. I have some leeway here over public schools as I am paying a fucking fortune to get Henry "the best" education in this city. I'm a customer. I have consumer rights. They have demanded a meeting with the psychologist. Hmmmm. If that happens, I'll be inviting myself along as well. (I'm paying for it, so I might as well go.)
I'll keep you all up to date.
I am given a list of five or six names. One of whom has a practice down the road from my house and is an ex- pupil of the school that Henry attends. (the blurb says he is familiar with the teaching style of the school.) It seems like the perfect fit. I call and set up an appointment through his secretary. The day of the meeting finally comes round. I'm sat in the lobby of this medical building and this fella walks round the corner and I look up and we both start laughing. We see each other everyday of the week at the gym. We have the "small world " conversation and then he asks if I'm awkward with the situation. I'm not, so he takes Henry in for an hour or so. He calls me in and asks if I could see him, along with my wife, in a few days.
The meeting is easily arranged and the pair of us are sat there awaiting his thoughts. The good news is that Henry is in the "gifted" group of kids. (Parents love to hear a word like gifted.) The bad news is that he is mildly ADD. The even badder news is that the constant reprimands that come along with this are making him sad. He is starting to feel that he is a"bad" person. (Please forgive the endless putting of things in quotation marks but I can't think of an easier way of getting this down on paper.) Dr Walker tells us at this age - and I guess for many other ages as well - it is better to not focus on direct educational ability but the emotional well being of a child. A kid who doesn't feel he is worthy through no fault of his own is a tragedy in th e making. It is explained to us that he needs a less structured school environment, such as Montessori - some of you will no doubt be familiar with this. Luckily he is at a school that has such a program. A few other schools in the area are mentioned. Tracy and I are making arrangements to see them. We were also given parenting guidelines, more of that when space permits.
So, armed with this information I head back to his school for a meeting. Now, remember that the school initiated all of this. I can recall the meeting, "we want to find what is best for Henry. We want to help Henry to succeed. etc. etc." I sit in with his teacher and a behavioural specialist and tell them the story. His teacher grasps it right away. She says something along the lines of, "so what we're doing at the moment is completely wrong and hurting Henry." Bingo. What a great teacher. Obviously we need to change things asap. Great. Glad we're all agreed. Except the behavioural specialist is all no,no, no ,no. Her body language and demeanour were all out of whack. I felt like she was taking it as personal criticism.
I didn't tell her to go fuck herself. Seeing as she does not know my son. I wonder how she came to her assessment. She starts blabbing on about how the Montessori program is quite structured and it is full and god knows what. I merely stated that I was not now or have I ever been in the habit of overiding the decisions of medical professionals. And until "someone" could show me compelling evidence to the contrary I was sticking with the expert. I have some leeway here over public schools as I am paying a fucking fortune to get Henry "the best" education in this city. I'm a customer. I have consumer rights. They have demanded a meeting with the psychologist. Hmmmm. If that happens, I'll be inviting myself along as well. (I'm paying for it, so I might as well go.)
I'll keep you all up to date.
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TragicPixie
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Montessori sounds like a good option there actually. All my friends who absolutely live education theory rave about it.
It is structured but it's structure is very different than that. I believe it's a more organic structure than most schools have today.
Of course I may be mistaken, it's 4am and I'm doing laundry STILL procrastinating on writing a paper that is due by noon.
... Perhaps I would have benefited from a less structured early education in developing skills to motivate myself to do work on my own at a decent pace ... not wait until I am so stressed I could pull every hair out of my head and I have massive back spasms. Now ... I must go find my flexorale... or however it's spelled.
It is structured but it's structure is very different than that. I believe it's a more organic structure than most schools have today.
Of course I may be mistaken, it's 4am and I'm doing laundry STILL procrastinating on writing a paper that is due by noon.
... Perhaps I would have benefited from a less structured early education in developing skills to motivate myself to do work on my own at a decent pace ... not wait until I am so stressed I could pull every hair out of my head and I have massive back spasms. Now ... I must go find my flexorale... or however it's spelled.
Lie to me, it takes less time to drink you pretty.
i don't understand the structure bit. what's so bad about structure? kids like it in form of pleasurably reliable rituals and they get it at good schools, i would think.
what is organic vs inorganic structure, pixes?
what your kid does not like tommy (i would suppose), probably because he is too active, inquisitive and smart, is rigid structure, and pedantic rule order.
my kid is a reasonably happy and pretty smart and effective young person. i always included her in on decisions, starting at ages when she could hardly talk. why not take henry to a few places, like montessori, or walldorf, or whatnot, and ask him what he thinks? it might help his self-esteem too.
what is organic vs inorganic structure, pixes?
what your kid does not like tommy (i would suppose), probably because he is too active, inquisitive and smart, is rigid structure, and pedantic rule order.
my kid is a reasonably happy and pretty smart and effective young person. i always included her in on decisions, starting at ages when she could hardly talk. why not take henry to a few places, like montessori, or walldorf, or whatnot, and ask him what he thinks? it might help his self-esteem too.
My Tracy is a product of Montessori education, and she's smarter than just about everyone i know...then again, I know some of you folks, so that might not be saying much.
Anyway, she loved her Montessori experience, and contrary to popular opinion about that method, had no trouble transitioning back into a traditional school at an older age.
I agree with Martino-Take him to a few schools and see what Henry wants to do. Consider that when makingyour decision. He'll get a sense of where he'd be happiest.
Anyway, she loved her Montessori experience, and contrary to popular opinion about that method, had no trouble transitioning back into a traditional school at an older age.
I agree with Martino-Take him to a few schools and see what Henry wants to do. Consider that when makingyour decision. He'll get a sense of where he'd be happiest.
I don't know what Montessori is, but I went to an alternative high school for half a year that was pretty damn unstructured. It wasn't for me but I know it really helped a lot of other troubled kids.
I'm sorry to hear Henry feels like a "bad" person. He is such a cute kid!!
I'm sorry to hear Henry feels like a "bad" person. He is such a cute kid!!
Last edited by marky on Fri Nov 25, 2005 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Tommy I am crying, crying for your son. I played Peter Gabriel "Plays Live" double LP tonight and it really is like god I mean that double LP gave me everything I needed in a post-Kate Bush world.
And I thought of your son, with whom, if I remember correctly, I share a sun sign with, we're both Pisces your son and I and I started crying after I heard the beautiful god=like tones of Peter Gabriel. I need to blow my nose.
And I thought of your son, with whom, if I remember correctly, I share a sun sign with, we're both Pisces your son and I and I started crying after I heard the beautiful god=like tones of Peter Gabriel. I need to blow my nose.
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TragicPixie
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