i am a fucking loser
i am a fucking loser
this is SO FUCKING DISGUSTING: just from smoking weed in the past 4 months i have gone from 104 lbs to 107. so now i hate weed- i think i should snort coke b/c all those crackwhore friends of mine at least stay skinny. and last night i took 18 sleeping pills, and get this: I WOKE THE FUCK UP. I CAN'T EVEN GODDAMN DIE WHEN I WANT TO. that is how fucking pathetic i am. i'm sorry i'm very angry right now so this is kind of cathartic.
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TragicPixie
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mccutcheon
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kitten,
it's obvious to me you are not using your head. your mind is full of dysfunctional thoughts and they are trying to kill you, because you are letting them.
just think a little, won't you? you say you are pathetic because you weigh more than you would like to. does that really make any sense? if you are, say, 10 pounds overweight and you are pathetic, then what is a 50-pound overweight person? a case for the exterminator?
you say you are pathetic because you weren't successful in comitting suicide. but was committing suicide the rational thing to do? bullshit! so what is pathetic about not killing yourself properly? nothing (as you will realize when you sit down and think about it).
somebody is sitting inside your head and telling you things that don't make any fucking sense. are you stupid or what? why believe them? is it your daddy telling you that you have to be slim to be attractive, or is it the media, or some lame-ass girls? well why do you let them tell you -- why do you give them the power to control your thoughts?
use your fucking brain, girlie. if you really want to lose weight, do it the smart way: throw away your tv, walk to work, buy a bike and sell your car, kick the junk food, and learn to cook. don't rely on stupid diets and don't misuse drugs for making yourself attractive; only use them for pleasure.
if you are depressive, then get some good therapy, or better: kick the prozac and read something useful like David Burns' "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy".
sorry for my tone but it's damn serious when somebody is suicidal. kick your girlywhine hangups and do something useful with yourself, for fuck's sake.
it's obvious to me you are not using your head. your mind is full of dysfunctional thoughts and they are trying to kill you, because you are letting them.
just think a little, won't you? you say you are pathetic because you weigh more than you would like to. does that really make any sense? if you are, say, 10 pounds overweight and you are pathetic, then what is a 50-pound overweight person? a case for the exterminator?
you say you are pathetic because you weren't successful in comitting suicide. but was committing suicide the rational thing to do? bullshit! so what is pathetic about not killing yourself properly? nothing (as you will realize when you sit down and think about it).
somebody is sitting inside your head and telling you things that don't make any fucking sense. are you stupid or what? why believe them? is it your daddy telling you that you have to be slim to be attractive, or is it the media, or some lame-ass girls? well why do you let them tell you -- why do you give them the power to control your thoughts?
use your fucking brain, girlie. if you really want to lose weight, do it the smart way: throw away your tv, walk to work, buy a bike and sell your car, kick the junk food, and learn to cook. don't rely on stupid diets and don't misuse drugs for making yourself attractive; only use them for pleasure.
if you are depressive, then get some good therapy, or better: kick the prozac and read something useful like David Burns' "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy".
sorry for my tone but it's damn serious when somebody is suicidal. kick your girlywhine hangups and do something useful with yourself, for fuck's sake.
my dad has never told me to lose weight, ever; he tells me to gain actually (i never HAVE listened to my dad ha). it is probably the media, my friends, and the fact that my ex has this new girlfriend that is my height (5'6) and weighs 90. she's not even anorexic, she eats like a pig and never gains an ounce, and my ex and all of his friends (some of whom are guys that i have been fooling around with) all think she's the hottest thing since carmen electra. needless to say i was already having weight issues before he got with her and the fact that she is a size 16 kids does not help.
after taking 18 sleeping pills the doctors said my liver does not even look touched. dr.hutton said i am obviously "105 pounds of steel" b/c i was supposed to die (according to my height and weight) at 14 pills. well i am perfectly fine UNFORTUNATELY. this is my 4th survived pill overdose and it's like, I CAN'T DIE. i'm incapable of dying i swear to god i think i am achilles without the heel. the people in the hospital said they had no explanation for why i DIDN'T die, esp. since it's THE FOURTH FUCKING TIME. they said it must have been god, but that's bull b/c there is no god (at least i don't believe there is). so why i can't die, i don't know, but i sure as hell can keep trying ha.
after taking 18 sleeping pills the doctors said my liver does not even look touched. dr.hutton said i am obviously "105 pounds of steel" b/c i was supposed to die (according to my height and weight) at 14 pills. well i am perfectly fine UNFORTUNATELY. this is my 4th survived pill overdose and it's like, I CAN'T DIE. i'm incapable of dying i swear to god i think i am achilles without the heel. the people in the hospital said they had no explanation for why i DIDN'T die, esp. since it's THE FOURTH FUCKING TIME. they said it must have been god, but that's bull b/c there is no god (at least i don't believe there is). so why i can't die, i don't know, but i sure as hell can keep trying ha.
oh and by the way martino, i don't drive and i hardly ever watch tv (unless it's CourtTV). i definitely don't puke b/c as wierd as it sounds, i can't. i've tried and i just end up choking. so i just don't eat that much and i drink alot of tea. tea is a miracle-worker, there is NOTHING that works better for losing weight i swear.
sorry 1 more thought
and by the way martino, i don't give a rat's ass what other ppl weigh so don't bring that into it. i was really in love with a boy who actually was slightly overweight but hewas fucking awesome and he had really beautiful eyes so it made no difference to me. all i care about is what I weigh.
so tell me then, why do you worry so much about what you weigh?
is it anything more than peer-group pressure? tell me.
i say: real women have curves!
other people say: the modern american fixation on body shape is a middle-class, para-racist phenomenon
http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story ... 49,00.html
is it anything more than peer-group pressure? tell me.
i say: real women have curves!
other people say: the modern american fixation on body shape is a middle-class, para-racist phenomenon
http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story ... 49,00.html
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mccutcheon
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i hope it gets better man. but people do not understand what kind of pressure girls have. and man mine is up there. my mother was a model, my aunt was miss florida, my grandmother was miss south carolina, and reese witherspoon is my 3rd cousin. being ugly or not perfect just does not fucking fly in my family.
you have my sympathy, kitten.
it seems to me that you are suffering from unbearable pressure coming from a family which for generations has been overperforming, conformist, and superficial.
your family does not want you to be you; they want you to be perfect.
since you can't take the pressure, you chose to self-destroy.
i think you should try to understand that there are thousands of women out there who are in the same situation. when you look at case studies of good-looking, smart, educated young women who are anorexic or suicidal or self-mutilating, they tend to have a similar background.
i think there are only two things you can do if you want to survive.
the first would be to break out -- like go to europe or asia for a year or two and find your inner strength, with no contact from your family.
i don't know your family, but perhaps there is a chance they would support this if they understood you are really unhappy and need to unfold yourself. hell, even dubya was allowed to waste away some years of his youth.
the other thing you can do is go to family therapy with your mother or father, preferably both. if you explain to them you are suicidal that might be sufficiently drastic for them to contemplate it.
by all means baby get out of your sc upper-class dysfunctional-family ghetto. it isn't working for you and you can walk out of it or be carried out in a coffin.
it seems to me that you are suffering from unbearable pressure coming from a family which for generations has been overperforming, conformist, and superficial.
your family does not want you to be you; they want you to be perfect.
since you can't take the pressure, you chose to self-destroy.
i think you should try to understand that there are thousands of women out there who are in the same situation. when you look at case studies of good-looking, smart, educated young women who are anorexic or suicidal or self-mutilating, they tend to have a similar background.
i think there are only two things you can do if you want to survive.
the first would be to break out -- like go to europe or asia for a year or two and find your inner strength, with no contact from your family.
i don't know your family, but perhaps there is a chance they would support this if they understood you are really unhappy and need to unfold yourself. hell, even dubya was allowed to waste away some years of his youth.
the other thing you can do is go to family therapy with your mother or father, preferably both. if you explain to them you are suicidal that might be sufficiently drastic for them to contemplate it.
by all means baby get out of your sc upper-class dysfunctional-family ghetto. it isn't working for you and you can walk out of it or be carried out in a coffin.
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mccutcheon
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