poetry - yeah it still sucks and no one cares

[mccutcheon]

this weekend i walked around a street fair, a pretty lame party since the beer garden was feneced off and the bands were lame and they asked the DJ girl to turn it down. I saw a slam poetry contest. some of it was pretty good. I mean these people actually memorised their poems. too much fucking work for me. but the thing is people do care about poetry. and Sloth and I wanted to start a new web site for all the people writing out there who would send us their stuff. and we did but at this stage the site is not ready. so why don't we post poems here? I'll start with one I wrote this morning.

Numbers
By McCutcheon

She kept asking me if she was pretty
I told her she was the most beautiful girl I have ever made love to

She said, “What is that to say to a girl?�

I thought it was quite a statement, I mean there have been more than a few women and I have impeccable taste.

She wanted more so I broke it down in numbers:
On a one to ten point scale, ten being the highest.

Face-10
Hair-8
Eyes-9
Nose-9
Lips-10
Teeth-10
Smile-10
Breasts-8
Stomach-10
Arms-10
Hands-10
Ass-7
Pussy-11
Legs-8
Feet-10

She said, “You gave my ass a seven?�

I said, “Yes, most girls don't get past a five, and I gave your pussy an eleven!�

[mccutcheon]

Here is an email from my friend Brett who just took a poetry class. See people care.

Here's that list of things to avoid in poetry:

Forced rhyme- pretty obvious.

Sentimentality- avoid writing about your dead dog, nostalgia is okay if the poem creates a feeling in the here and now.

Cliche- also obvious

Archaisms- forcing false language, like trying to sound smart by using yee and thee, use modern language

Inverted Syntax- changing the order of a normal sentence to create an end rhyme

obscurity- when it just don't make no damn sense

Mixed metaphors- if there is more than one way to look at your metaphors, make sure they relate, otherwise only a few people will understand you, and poetry really is about communication

Needless abstraction- when there is nothing physical in the description, i.e.: "swaying beauty". It doesn't conjure up any strong images for the brain to work with, and that is what poetry is supposedly trying to do.

Hope alls well. It was good to see you the other day, I was pretty stoked you were home. I got really drunk two nights in a row (I know I don't drink that much anymore, but you still gotta cut loose every once in a while), I lost my debit card the first night, then my drivers liscense the second. I was pretty pissed but had to laugh about how stupid I am sometimes.

Salut!

Brett

[sarah]

This is the best poetry course I've ever had -- O, to think like the professor, and what a name!

l(a

le
af
fa
ll

s)
one
l

iness

by EE Cummings

[mccutcheon]

Sarah behave yourself.

sssssa
(ahhhh)
a
R
a
hhhhh

[mccutcheon]

since no one is posting there poetry here--holly and sarah--it's up to me I guess. her is another one.
************************************
Christ tits excite me
By McCutcheon

I see a girl walking down the street
It's a cold fall day and there is a breeze
The woman struts past me
And I see her nipples through her shirt
She is under dressed and not wearing a bra
This glimpse of her passing breasts excites everything
My stomach churns, my cock stiffens and I fell dizzy
(in a good way)
I want to bend down and kiss her feet
Ask her if she will marry me
It's when I feel this unbridled lust
I realize how lonely I am
Jesus is the ultimate ladies man
His father gave us tits

[sarah]

Was Jesus a ladies' man?

I was in my dictionary and saw this gorgeous word -- luminous flux. So wrote a poem for the sound of it. And via personification I guess it's about ladies.

Lumina's flux

A wicked slice of woman,
The curve of her breast,
Thigh, waist,
Against the night's broad back.
A permanently changing curve
Rounding out herself against the infinite
Stability of black.
Subtle motion, so effortless
That one forgets she's changing.
Shapes and shades stretch
Whitening her surface,
Then tighten
Into a brief, red moment.
Lumina flexes
And relaxes.
The hues of her wavering form
Always moving, fading, deepening,
Changing
While his darkness stands still.

[mccutcheon]

Jesus played hard to get. Loved your poem.

[mccutcheon]

Here is a drunken poem I just wrote at this moment because I'm trying not to call someone. I'm stuck alone in the city with a can of 24 FL. OZ. Micky Fine Malt Liquor. This tall can seems like my best friend. So anyway it's a first time drunken poem so I don't even know how good it is. Of course I'm drunk and just wrote it and am posting it so i think it's good. But of course it probably isn't. The 24 FL. OZ. Mickey Fine Malt Liquor might be lying to me.

Beauty
By McCutcheon

I have pictures of her up
Of course I do, she is so beautiful
People tell me she is the most beautiful girl in the world
Such a raging beauty
A girl with Grace Kelly taste and presence
And when we broke up it was hard
It was hard because I loved her
And all the comments on her beauty hurt as well
That was all I heard
How pretty, gorgeous, stunning, sexy she was
And it hurt me to lose such a prize
Then I realized I never heard
How nice, compassionate, caring, sensitive she was
I had to question my love for her
I know I loved her and we had something special
In these times that is not enough
We all know love doesn't last
But then I had to ask myself
Was I having such a hard time getting over her-
-because of her outside beauty even if inside she was ugly?
And what did that say about me?

[mccutcheon]

Here is more 1st time shit poetry for all you assholes. What I've been liking to do, I'll tell you if you haven't noticed, is post the 1st draft of a poem on the B.B. and then post it under poetry later on. That way I stick with it through the end instead of forgetting about it. It's like knowing it's up there with all it's imperfections and pimples puts the pressure on me to sort it out quickish.

The Bedroom Deejay
By McCutcheon (the most underrated poet on Pax Acidus)

I'm a deejay
A master in my own mind
Mixing arm chair Captain Kirk
Compilations for my mates
And it is not very hard to do
More blended than beat matched
Though I hope my admiration
Of the producers comes through
The downtempo sexy matches
The giggle and shake
It's what I do alone in my room
Thinking I make a difference
When in fact it's just abstract tunes
Filling my mind and the time
What it must be like to have talent
And your picture in the paper
A hot girl on your arm
Because of what you do
Rather than who you are
All the glossy smiles from fake friends
And a fear to go outside
Or to have a real love life
I'm sticking to the music
Solo fantasies of shared companionship
Answering to no one but myself
I'm not afraid to be lonely, in either case
I keep repeating this mantra
Like the beats that play before me

[sarah]

Fortune cookie for the day: Your ratings are about to go way up. That's good stuff.

[mccutcheon]

Here's the 2nd draft. Hopefully I'll get it right before we get to double digits.

Beauty

I have pictures of her up
Of course I do, she is so beautiful
People tell me the best looking girl in the world
Such a ravishing heroine
A young woman with Grace Kelly taste and presence
When we broke up it was hard
It was hard because I loved her
All the comments on her physical perfection hurt as well
That was all I heard
How pretty, gorgeous, stunning, sexy she was
And it hurt me to lose such a prize
Then I realized I was never told
How nice, compassionate, caring, sensitive she was
I had to question my love for her
To ask myself
Was I having such a hard time
Trying to get over her
Because of her outside beauty
Even if inside she was ugly

What did that say about me?
Deep thoughts are not my forte
It was better when we just fucked away
I never questioned the dawn of day
And left reality alone
With my mind lazy
Now I'm here without her
Not too much smarter
Or clever enough to make it worth it
I'll wait for the next shallow beauty
Who will be as dumb as me
And hopefully as good looking

Unknown Deejay

I'm a deejay
A master in my own mind
Mixing arm chair Captain Kirk
Compilations for my mates
And it is not very hard to do
More blended than beat matched
Though I hope my admiration
Of the producers comes through
The downtempo sexy segues
The wiggle and shake
It's what I do alone in my room
Thinking I make a difference
When in fact it's just abstract tunes
Filling my mind and the time
What it must be like to have talent
Your picture in the paper
A hot girl on your arm
Because of who knows you
Rather than who you are
Glossy smiles from fake friends
A fear to go outside
Or to have a real love life
I'm sticking to the music
Solo fantasies of shared companionship
Answering to no one but myself
In either case
I'm not afraid to be lonely
I keep repeating this mantra
Like the beats that play before me