McCutcheon reading poems in public is not appreciated

Dallas · Post by **Dallas** » Tue Jul 10, 2001 7:55 am

I wrote this after a similar experience in making my writing public.
I have one small critique of your poem. You have an excellent knack for putting words together, but as a woman, I feel you are too busy worrying about what is happening on the surface.
In my humble opinion, I think your writing would be more striking of you were to go deeper. (I know you can, you touch lightly upon it in your writing already.)
What is happening in your mind while you are with these women? What is happening in their minds? (As the writer you can show that, they live inside of you, you give them life.) Take the reader deeper into yourself so they really feel like they are experiencing what the characters are experiencing.
A good read is like a good ride. If it is the best it can be, you will be satisfied at the end, but hungry for more. Good luck to you. Break through that last wall and you will have the world on it's knees.

PS- If it is your passion, you can already call yourself a writer and it will be honest.

Exposed

Expose me
Tell all
Show them the soft side
I'll pretend
It doesn't matter
Breathing isn't as easy as it used to be
Got choked up on words
And lost their secrets
You gave life
To the darker side of me
Why don't you tell me again what I think?

~Dallas

Laszlo_Kovacks · Post by **Laszlo_Kovacks** » Tue Jul 10, 2001 9:05 am

Ouch! Jack The Dribbler, that hurt - what have I done to deserve these slings and arrows of outrageous criticism, and unsolicited insults?
Well, as you grabbed my attention as I perused your sympathy-seeking, summation of your apparently, vaccuous existence, you've confused me somewhat. Are you speaking about the same Johnny Rotten I assume you are, the one spellt J-O-H-N-N-Y, only I don't remember him being particularly linked with the expletives you seem confident were specifically attributed to him. He may well have uttered them on occasion, but along with countless millions of others, I am surprised you find them both wise and indigenous to him in either culture or folklore. But, I do remember a certain valedictory comment, far more appropriate where you're concerned, he made at The Longhorn Ballroom in Dallas, January '78 - 'Well Faggot Cowboy, ever get the feeling you've been had!'
Suck on that Squarehead, and feel free to joust with me on any other area of rock trivia from your vast musical canon.
Second Track (US edition) - First Side - First Clash Album!!!
LK

Post by **Sloth** » Wed Jul 11, 2001 2:25 am

This is a cool thread. I happen to be a HUGE fan of McCuctcheon's writing specifically because it is so light. I like his earlier stuff the best like Space Cake and Mount Blanc and my favorite, the sexy and suicidal The Weak End. Dallas, I love you and all, but I think if you want introspection and delicate interplay betweeen the characters and all that crap you might be living in the wrong century. Let McCutcheon alone and don't make him think too hard, its not his forte.

-ooh

Jack Chiefton · Post by **Jack Chiefton** » Wed Jul 11, 2001 2:53 am

Lazlo, you lost me somewhere around vaccous, and I am too lazy to look it up. Jonny, Johnny, does it really matter? I was refering to a video I saw about the Pistols where Mr. Rotten was filmed chanting that line over and over. It was hilarious.

About the faggot cowboy, come on! Did you know one of Mr. Rotten's favorites is Neil Young, singer of many cowboy songs? I'm assuming it was Mr. Rotten's intention to be comical with that remark. Neil epitomizes the essence of getting back to the country for a little peace of mind. But like he also sings, "I guess I need that city life, it sure has lots of style." Theres nothing wrong with maintaining a balance between the two desirable environments. But you probably don't step a foot out of the city because it is much more hard to score some blow. OUch am I presumptious or what? Anyways, nothing personal, I just feel like rumbling over this electronic voice wave. I personally don't own a computer, so I have to do all my typing at my university. I vowed to never "surf the web" again, but it has sucked me back in like sweet sweet oh so sweet pie. Bean pie, yeeeeeeeha Oslo!

I think of Jonny being a self-proclaimed anarchist, he would love to be linked to those two phrases, unless in his old age he is trying to curtail his once 'I don't give a fuck attitude'. Man I hope not. Shit, I don't even like many of his songs to be honest with you, I just think he's hilarious.

Jack Chiefton · Post by **Jack Chiefton** » Wed Jul 11, 2001 3:13 am

Wait, did I criticize you Oslo? I just meant to insult you is all. Good Day!

Post by **mccutcheon** » Wed Jul 11, 2001 4:53 am

Jack you talk like that at the school libary?I was going to say don't ruin this thread with this shit, but it seems you already did. Start a new one.

Jack Chiefton · Post by **Jack Chiefton** » Wed Jul 11, 2001 5:14 am

Ok, was infantile, sorry.

However, I'll end it here. Lazlo assumes I'm a pig humping cowboy, and I assume he is a spike haired needle injecting punk. When in all actuality, we are just two geeks with dictionaries by our side and a lot of time on our hands (obviously).

So lets end it, we are both nothing more than tiny piss stains on the urinal of evolution.
Enjoy it while you can.

Have a good life

Post by **mccutcheon** » Wed Jul 11, 2001 9:13 pm

Dallas from the conversation i went into the main guys head last night and wrote fir fiur hours about the inablity of getting over a broken heart lead to the falure in future relationships. I hope i did this with enough delicacy and decency to apeal to women. Though i have to take some of sloth's advice (we fight all the time but I love him so) and just write from my gut and instinct and get the words out. if girls don't like it they have many other books to turn to. I can lend anyone my copy of the Bell Jar. i hope this isn't taking the soft option. a dive. Here is a question to you my fellow writer...how do you write men?

Post by **mccutcheon** » Wed Jul 11, 2001 9:15 pm

sorry the pills are in full effect and I seem to be missing the keys. time to lay back down. if you understand enough please answer.

Dallas · Post by **Dallas** » Thu Jul 12, 2001 8:53 am

Writing men?
I try to base them on real people in my life. Close male friends. It is a bit like cheating, if I get stuck, I can call the man up and ask, "What would you do in this situation? What would be going through your mind?"
The down side, it is a crutch. I would love to learn to do it completely believable, straight from my imagination, but they always turn out too good, too romantic, and too nice to be realistic men. (maybe realistic gay men) Any suggestions anyone? Any ladies out there with the same issues?
One last topic, I never said CHANGE your writing style, I only suggested things I thought could be helpful to you from a femme POV. Did not mean to step on toes if I did.

~Dallas

Post by **mccutcheon** » Thu Jul 12, 2001 6:41 pm

don't worry. I dance too fast to have my toes steped on. Actually a lot of the women I know aren't bitter and like the way i right my females, I asked around a little. I was told that not every woman on the planet feels wronged by men. I guess there is still that 1% out there. And I'm not going for their POV. mmmm. we'll see. Now I'm so in love with Beatrice. I want her to talk to me. Maybe I write to do things in life that don't really happen to me. i don't mean fantasy really. Just to create other lives. who knows if it is worth it. or I think I'm writing this novel because it would be one of my favoritres if I read it, and I'm well read. know what i mean? When it's done I also want everyone else to read it and enjoy it. to give a little entertainment to the world that wasn't there before. I meet one guy who told me he had written 15 novels but wouldn't show them to me and wasn't planning to show them to anyone else either. i don't get that. anyway time to type about lovely Beatrice.

Dallas · Post by **Dallas** » Thu Jul 12, 2001 8:19 pm

No, not every woman on the planet feels like she has been wronged, (or at least she would never admit that to a man she is interested in in fear he might think her a man hater and not return her affection) but you yourself first described your Beatrice as someone who hates people. Some wrong had to have happened to her for her to feel that way.
My life partner (also a writer) says when he writes things he created in his head, things he doesn't understand, it eventually makes sense. In an almost clairvoyant way. (Not quite that extreme) He says that he will go back and read old things he wrote that didn't make sense at the time and it will be like reading the story of what is happening in the present time of his own life.
Maybe there is a reason 'Life Imitates Art' became cliché. Maybe you'll find your Beatrice someday.
Keep us posted on how it goes with her. Are they still standing in the hallway chatting?

~Dallas

Post by **mccutcheon** » Thu Jul 12, 2001 8:35 pm

What I'm trying to work out with Beatrice, and this is something she doesn't know or won't admit is that she's too young to "hate all people" it's a flippent comment to sound both mature and wise after a crush didn't go her way. The first time someone didn't return her advances after 21 years of always being chased. she is also good looking but it a booksih sense. schoolgirl rebel type. The main guy ends up turning his back on her and leaving to have a beer. but they will met up again. oh yes they do. It's a summer night on an island in greece. will there be romance, will there be love, will there be sex...or just drugs and puking? who knows but me and I'm not telling.

Dallas · Post by **Dallas** » Thu Jul 12, 2001 10:34 pm

You failed to mention that she is 21 before now. That changes everything. She doesn't know better yet, but she thinks she knows everything, and any sort of disinterest from a man, especially when she thinks all men want her, will only make her angry and sweeten the pot.
Every girl needs a first love and a first real heartbreak. The people we love when we are 21; we fall the hardest for, hurt the most because of, and they will be remembered the longest.
The whole bit about leaving to get a beer, that would throw any self respecting brat into full tantrum mode. May even make her act a little foolish just to prove to herself that you would want her. <Good Tactic>

~Dallas

Post by **mccutcheon** » Fri Jul 13, 2001 12:59 am

that's what I'm hoping for. She is brooding about a young man from Paris who is her same age. She reads the book because it reminds her of another country she used to live and she hates france (hate is a big thing with her--the guy tells her she can't hate Paris..anyway) The main guy is 31 and a writer who has one popular book out. he also lives in paris now because he had to esacpe his Publishers in NYC. Later when she discovers he is a writer and wrote a book she secretly loves this makes her like him for that reason but she discovers this about the same time she sees him with another girl from Brazil who is not just a cute bookish beauty but full on fully developed goddess. so she goes a little bit upset and runs into the 1st crsush from Paris. then The main guy runs into her again and again and a friendship grows and then other stuff. it's all back and forth. But I'm not telling any more. and it's not all romance. there are other people in there for comical relief, hard core sex and major drug abuse. I want it to be a beach book, to make people laugh, make them hory keep them from in front of the tv. If I can do that I will love myself. Hopefully I'll pull it off.

My American novel is more sad and romantic. In my Europe one no one dies, tries to commit suicide or drinks themselfs to death. It's called Burt Roof of Mouth or some people call it the Pizza Guy. I have up the very 1st draft on the web site. it's all crap --oops--no it's not CRAP it's just the early draft..so you can get an idea of that one if you want.