New Story from fan

[Guest]

Here is a story Jim sent in.


Username: Jim Aikman

UserEmail: jaikman@umich.edu

select: Druggy Slutty Madness

Comments: hey, i wrote this essay a little while ago and thought i'd see what you thought. i've been a big fan for a while and really respect all the amazing shit you guys have goin on. i hate to add to the enormous stereotype of your fanmail, but you guys pretty much changed my life. anyways, here's my shit:


I could get a job. I could become Mr. Universe. I could do my overdue Spanish homework. I could create and distribute the first string-less Yo Yo and make millions. I could throw caution to the wind. I could do anything humanly possible at any moment of the day or night and occupy myself, create something, make an impression. Then again – I could do nothing.

When I was younger I spent much of my time searching for a shortcut. Instead of the best way to do something I would look for the easiest. Not with all things, of course, but most. School seemed like such a waste of time as I exhausted my days with busy work and meaningless
assignments. I didn't want to spend a second more than was absolutely necessary for completion, so it goes without saying that I became fairly gifted at the art of bullshit. However, over time, I began to realize the colossal mistake I was making.

It was probably around my 16th birthday that I began wondering why I was plagued by such a sense of redundancy and boredom. Opinions and ideas were coming so fast, they seemed to be seeping into my pores. I was
surrounded by people that had the same distaste for work that I did and spent most of their time the same way I did – bored and uninspired. I saw people wasting their time, day after day and year after year, toward no particular goal or purpose. Sloth became a virtue. So I began to beg
the question: is it really better to be safe than sorry? Is there a way to be neither?

Growing up in this country today is a terrifying ordeal and I doubt many would disagree. There's too much to be afraid of. Fear the teachers. Fear the tests. Fear the bullies, bombs, terrorists, and dark. Maturing in that kind of confusion, I feel almost afraid of myself. And for many, the number one choice of action to fight this fear is no action at all. Nowadays, many people find solace in doing absolutely nothing. Now apathy is a virtue.

But why? What's driving this fear that keeps people on their couches and away from curiosity and ambition? Osama Bin Laden? No, I think not.This fear is much more deeply rooted and flows right to the heart of the American dream. Our lives are shaped by it, bound by it, and limited
by it. It's an excuse to sit down, back away, and drop out. It's a waste. I used to dream of wealth, fame, and the fortune it would take to sit around and do nothing. After all, what could be safer than inaction – but where's the fun in that?

It took me a while to appreciate that the hold money has on us is not that strong. My father has spent his whole life pursuing fortune and possessions to complete his life, yet he is still miserable and incomplete. However, I know the opportunities that his choices have afforded me and do not mean to disrespect them in any way. My feelings would
certainly be different if I had any reason to think that his obsession with money had anything to do with me and not the 4 cars, 3 houses, and plethora of must-have home furnishings that feign security for him. It's unfortunate that money measures, at least socially, how successful, how
secure, and how content a person is in their life. I want the risks I take in my life to be for something grander than pieces of paper.

There's a lot of ugly stuff in the world. There's many chances for terrible things to happen. You could get caught in the rain with no umbrella. You could contract a terrible disease while visiting a third world country. God forbid you trip – and fall. “No,â€? one might say, “I'm not going out there! Look at all the suffering. No, I'm fine right where I
am in my La-Z-Boy that is now so comfortably shaped to my ass and re-runs of ‘Friends' that air all day long.

“I'm safe in here.�

Now, examine the other side of the spectrum. Just for kicks, pretend safety is not your primary concern. Imagine a world where anything is possible. Imagine a world where there is no regret. And now believe me when I tell you that these worlds are real. It is possible to escape the cycle of apathy that swallowed me as a child, because I did it. I'm no longer the stoner that spent days on the couch evading all effort. I was content, but ignorance is bliss and bliss is blinding. I knew it had gone too far when even the fun things seemed like too much work.

I used to live and die by the choices I made. If I screwed up I could never forget it. I was so easily embarrassed and self-conscious that it was nearly impossible to justify going to school. It was a terrible way to live. Regret is a thief that robs the mind of its freedom, burying it instead with inhibitions. How could I live my life with the past
constantly on my heels? There is escaping the evil in the world, so I accepted it without becoming a victim of it. There is so much good that often gets overlooked when dwarfed by the bad, but it is there. So I say, forget regret. Live for the moment, live for every breath, every step,
every kiss, and never regret.

I can't imagine a more terrible nightmare than being given the greatest opportunity in the universe and not being able to take it – to have infinite possibility graze my fingertips but remain just out of reach. I only hope that I would have the strength to wake up from that nightmare and attack. Attack difficulty, attack hardship, attack possibility, and
never ever look back. Because there's way too much substance in the world to deny myself any of it.

Abraham Lincoln said, “And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.â€? If a lifetime is spent obsessed with safety and comfort then it is spent in vain. The principle purpose of life, no matter what, is to enjoy it – to the fullest. I hate to see people spend their whole lives making glorious, earth shattering plans but don't realize that they have no time left until it's too late.
They spend a lifetime in the making and never go for their dreams. I find that far more tragic than somebody that fails after diving headfirst after their dreams. The effort is everything, just don't be afraid. If you're too afraid of consequences there is so much left misunderstood.
However, breaking rules and ignoring the outcome is not what I'm advocating, but why not break a couple – its worth a try, just like everything else.

Every time I hear the phrase, “You know what they say: better safe than sorry,� I feel a deep, subconscious contempt. It is possible to be neither safe nor sorry. It is possible to live life to the fullest without destroying it. What is safety? Some might say it's protection from misfortune, but I think it is an illusion. Don't be fooled. There's so
much in this world to experience, it's overwhelming. It can make a man feel 50 feet tall or 5 inches tall, but what is one without the other. Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, but it all comes back around and the sun rises.

I'd be a fool to say you shouldn't look over your shoulder every once in a while. It is necessary to be cautious and careful, but it is absolutely possible to do so without compromising your freedom to do whatever you want. The world is yours for the taking so grab hold. If I've learned nothing else from my 18 years on this planet, I've learned that I can do anything I want as long as I want it bad enough.

Maybe I'm naive. Maybe I'm speaking out of my ignorance and youth. Then again – maybe my perspective is the one people spend their lives trying to get back to. My innocence and my inexperience are perhaps my greatest gift. Someday I might sit back and realize I was way off and a
person should spend their life behind a veil of fear. I sincerely hope not.

I've often wondered why so many bad things happen, even to really good people. I can only believe, after everything I've seen in my life, that I am the only person responsible for anything that happens to me. I've always had trouble pointing blame at other people when I find myself in
a bad situation because I put myself there. Nobody else is responsible for my actions and my beliefs except me. When I find myself cursing a teacher for a bad grade or a cop for pulling me over, I have to recognize that I knew the system and the rules before something went wrong. Granted, there are many more variables at work. Other people do influence my situations and perspectives, but in the end, who can I justly blame but myself? So, then, who is there to blame if my dreams are not actualized? Certainly not society and certainly not my parents; I wouldn't
have any opportunities at all if it weren't for both of them. I am eternally grateful for everything this world has given me and for the! chance I have to be a part of it, and that is why I am so eager to use every minute of my existence to the maximum. It would be rude not to.

Instead of being sorry, be wise. Learn from mistakes and always take something good with you, no matter how nasty the situation. Sometimes you have to dig pretty deep, but it's worth it. Happiness is not achieved
through events but through how you deal with them. There is no possible way for me to predict the future and simply planning for it is often impossible, but I can be prepared to react to whatever is thrown at me. As long as I keep on your toes and my eyes open, nothing can stop me.

If I should choose to remain in a safety net behind safely locked doors, I know that none of the questions I've asked will be answered for me. They are all questions that I must answer for myself, and I will seek them with every muscle in my body until I can't anymore. And I will press on, neither safe nor sorry, with a beat in my heart and the wind at
my back. So I choose to take chances, to walk the tightrope. Because life isn't half as interesting through a window as it is on the outside.



“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like abulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the
stars...�
-Jack Kerouac
On the Road,

[borgy]

this is too long for me. my attention span can't handle it. i'll read it later.

[Guest]

I love Kerouac but I've never liked that passage. Who in the fucking hell is always like that? Never bored, always burning with the desire to be mad? That person does not exist, he was a figment of Kerouac's imagination and/or Kerouac's alter-ego. Though Kerouac was bumbling, bored, and not mad.

[marky]

I couldn't make it to the end of this, either. Preachy moralizing. As though we all asked him how to live our lives, he got on a mountaintop and spewed forth this long monologue, and we were supposed to take notes. But instead, we got bored, went home, kicked back with our favorite beverage and snack...

And I could tell early on he was from a wealthy background. Not that that necessarily makes someone bad, but still, I could tell. Someone might want to remind him that leisure time, safety and money are all very precious things to the poor.

[bfj]

i've got a poster with that very quote on it, true probably not, but definitly a beautiful piece of writing by Jack.

[mccutcheon]

I posted that and maybe I shouldn't have. But Jim it is the best experience a writer can have for their work. The only way I know how to write is to expose myself (just not at the public library in the Judy Blume section) and fight to the death. Oh yeah, and read Strunk and White's The Elements of Style. Right, Martino?

And let's not forget the constructive criticism PA.

[sara]

Jim, it's interesting -- i've thought a lot of the same things you wrote; I didn't read the whole thing either for the reason that Mark gave.

[bfj]

I didn't finish it either, almost did though but I didn't feel any cohesiveness. I suggest triming out some of the redundancy, making your points more concise--build them up and seperate them, fear, regret, wealth, etc. There should be one central hypothesis. which i guess is what you're trying to sum up with the Kerouac quote. Give us some specific examples of trying to apply this philosophy to your life and let us know how your new choices of chasing after life were good for you, tell us about your results. the essay seems to tread in self-help vagueness.

[Maverick]

I agree with jake. I think Jim has a good sense of how to use words, but just used too many here. If you read most of the stories posted here, people tell an entertaining sotry and weave in a life philosophy. This would be much more readable if there were more happening. the philosophy is good, but it does get rambling and uninteresting.

Keep writing Jim, I think you have something to say and will learn to say it well.