Crazy Mav

Post by **Sloth** » Sun Jun 20, 2004 3:39 pm

Here is Mav's submission to Pax Acidus.
Get out your specs and give it a read and some criticism and then vote.

http://www.paxacidus.com/content402.php

bfj · Post by **bfj** » Sun Jun 20, 2004 5:05 pm

Good urban story. While crazy men like your crazy man are often discussed (though some would believe they aren't worth being discussed), they should be. I mean, these guys are out on a limb. Spending all their time to some pursuit we don't know about and in most cases scorn.
Okay but:

I would have liked to have some sample dialogue of his normal conversations. You explain the type of conversation in two paragraphs but the point could have been more easily portrayed with, "You can't use that cleaner on a hard wood floor." or "I don't know why you're so mad, it's not like you pay the bills!" This all may come from my film scripting background and the rule that if you can show it, show it, don't explain it.

I wonder if you made anything of the dialogue he had with you. Seems to me it could be understood as him saying the things he wished were said to him. Maybe the next time you see him you should chastise him for letting her get away.

all and all...yeah

martino · Post by **martino** » Sun Jun 20, 2004 9:07 pm

as you surely know, in many primitive societies, crazy people are considered to be holy. one of the strengths of this swell story is that it builds on the concept of the crazy/holy man without spelling it out.

another thing your story brought to mind was that nice movie from 2000, with cameron diaz, "Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her". in the holly hunter sequence there is a crazy woman who seems to know hell holly's character is going through.

some people seek knowledge and growth through the idiocy of organized religion while others find traces of holiness within the commonplace. obviously i am partial to the latter, which is why i am partial to this story.

Maverick · Post by **Maverick** » Mon Jun 21, 2004 4:07 am

Thanks guys. Martino, I never saw that movie, but it sounds like I should check it out. I like movies and stories about people who may be crazy, or may just be in their own world. I guess I'm trying to find a way to show the sadness, the genius, and the common perception of so-called "crazy" people.

Jake, I thought about putting in some more specific dialogue, but didn't this time...I'm not sure why. If I made it into a short film I definitely would do that, but I wan't sure how it would fit in a story with no other dialogi\ue or really any other interactions.

borgy · Post by **borgy** » Mon Jun 21, 2004 5:22 am

liked it. i have more thoughts about crazy people but i'll save it for later...

marky · Post by **marky** » Tue Jun 22, 2004 1:40 am

I like the story. I think it's cool that the reader is left wondering at the end about just how far from crazy the narrarator is himself. But there are a few times in the story when I think it sounds like you're making it up as you go along and could therefore, benefit from more description, fleshing out, like Jake said. For example: "I ride through smells that are always changing as I pass through different areas. The weather, the time of day, and the amount of traffic surrounding me alters my perception of everything I see, so it’s new every time." This bit to me just cries out for more specifics. What smells? What kind of weather? Particular anecdotes of rides, etc.

Thanks for sharing your work with us, Mav.

Maverick · Post by **Maverick** » Tue Jun 22, 2004 11:18 pm

I was trying to keep the word count as close to 1500 as possible, because one of these people around here told me that is the right averagle length for a short story. I agree though, I am tempted to go back and expand some of those things you guys mentioned.

Maverick · Post by **Maverick** » Tue Jun 22, 2004 11:18 pm

I was trying to keep the word count as close to 1500 as possible, because one of these people around here told me that is the right averagle length for a short story. I agree though, I am tempted to go back and expand some of those things you guys mentioned.

Maverick · Post by **Maverick** » Tue Jun 22, 2004 11:20 pm

...and you caught me. I was making it up as I went along.

marky · Post by **marky** » Tue Jun 22, 2004 11:41 pm

Well, I say hell with 1500 words. The right length for a story is however long feels right for you, you know what I mean?

I mean I could tell when McC posted his last story he was aiming to be as minimal as possible and that can be great as an exercise or if you sit down and specifically say "I am going to write a story that is as minimal as possible" but man, it must really hamper the creative process if you start writing with a certain # of words in mind. I would really hate that.

borgy · Post by **borgy** » Wed Jun 23, 2004 10:41 am

The geeatness of a story is never measured by the number of words.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 23, 2004 10:51 am

its how you played with the words in your story.

borgy · Post by **borgy** » Wed Jun 23, 2004 10:52 am

aarrrgh!! been hit by the guest bug. guest was me.

Post by **mccutcheon** » Wed Jun 23, 2004 2:20 pm

Saw Alex Garland last night.

Maverick · Post by **Maverick** » Wed Jun 23, 2004 7:41 pm

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