Nigel Tufnel

[mccutcheon]

This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: A salesman, like, mabye in a haberdasher, or maybe like a... um, a chapeau shop, or something... you know, like: "Would you... what size do you wear, sir?" and then you answer me.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: No.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: "I think we have that...", you see, something like that I could do.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: "No! We're all out, do you wear black?", see, that sort of thing, I think I could probably muster up.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Well, I don't know, wh-wh-what are the hours?
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

[Nigel is playing a soft piece on the piano]
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like - I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of -
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump."
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

[Nigel, introducing the Stonehenge theme concert]
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing...
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: We don't literally say it.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: We don't really, actually mean it.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: But we're not racists.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: You can't really dust for vomit.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: It's like, how much more black could this be? and the answer is none. None more black.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and -
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Exactly.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your guitar. Where can you go from there? Where?
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: [Pause] These go to eleven.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

[Nigel Tufnel is showing Marty DiBergi one of his favorite guitars]
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: The sustain, listen to it.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Well you would though, if it were playing.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

[Marty compliments Nigel on his tee shirt.]
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: You like this?
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: This is my exact inner structure, done in a tee shirt. Exactly medically accurate. See?
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Well, I suppose I could work in a shop of some kind or... or do um... freelance... selling of some sort of... um... product, you know...
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Take them off. This is what you'd see.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

[Nigel points at Marty.]
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: It is green. You see how your blood looks blue.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Oh then, maybe it's not green. Anyway this is what I sleep in sometimes.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: That's just nitpicking, isn't it?
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

[Discussing Nigel's guitar collection.]
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Look... still has the old tag on, never even played it.
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Don't touch it!
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)

Nigel Tufnel: Well... don't point!

[Daily Taylor]

Hell yeah! I love Spinal Tap!
"It's like we got armadillos in our trousers, they run screaming."