Bulletin Board of Bad Behavior

Germany has insisted on new E.U. guidelines on condom size to accommodate the small size of German penises. "On average, German men are 14.48 cm long and 3.95 cm wide. That makes them much smaller than the E.U. standard condom," complained urologist Gunther Hagler.

After three years of planning, two German sailors abandoned their attempt to cross the North Sea in a kayak after feeling sea-sick just 40 miles into their 340- mile journey.

Why do I just get the feeling that you have something against Germans????

Auslaender Maggie (accidently German)

Germans? What's not to love?

Wolfgang Seifarth, a German tourist was arrested for performing oral sex on a woman in Zambia. On trial in the town of Lusaka, Seifarth told a Zambian magistrates court that he did not understand Zambian law, which classifies cunnilingus as sex "against the order of nature." The magistrate said ignorance was no excuse to break the law and sentenced Seifarth to six years of imprisonment with hard labor.

Maybe his tongue was bigger than his penis. Still, I'm a fan of oral sex and usually like my Germans. I find it all a bit harsh.

Speaking of Germany, I read an article in
the Seattle Times which I now can't find
anywhere online, even the Seattle Times
website (it was published Sunday Dec. 30)
with a headline that reads "Grumpy German
Shoppers Distrust the Wal-Mart Style". I
got a real kick out of this article. Poor
Wal-Mart, capitalistic giant out of the U.S.
fails to impress European country. What a
surprise. And then when it occurs, we have
the audacity to call them "grumpy". Because
Germans don't kiss the ass of our capitalistic
bullshit. Arrogant? Yeah I'd say so.

I've been to Belgium and seen a McDonalds
right across the street from some cathedral
looking building that must have been there
for centuries. I think it's sick. I can't
even IMAGINE a Wal-Mart in Europe.

I think it's mighty strange too that I
can't find a link to this article anywhere,
and yet I hold the newspaper in my lap as
I type. Well, here's a quote for ya anyway:

"Germans sometimes hesitate to be too
friendly because that could be perceived
as hypocrisy or currying favor" Baum said.
"That's why they look down on the American
'synthetic friendliness' They accuse the
United States of doing everything for a
purpose - 'They want to sell me something,
that's why they are so friendly.'"

Anyway, the point is, Wal-Mart's doing
terrible in Germany and they admitted it.

Hey there Matt - listened to your CD's, like
Erect Emotions the most.

Mark from Brit Pop.

Well fuck all that. This Kraut is not exactly XXL but has no problems with any standard size EU-spec condom. And I don't slip or wiggle or nothing.

Anyway it is common knowledge that Klingons have superbig dicks.

And while I am in a nasty mood let me talk about this Wal-Mart business. In my view Americans don't expect to be treated friendly, because if they did, they wouldn't accept being buggered by the likes of Enron managers or by the electoral system. What Americans want is servility: they want service staff to stoop.

So even if you are working for shit pay while your company's execs are getting million-dollar options on top of a platinum parachute, you can feel OK about it when you go to a restaurant or to Wal-Mart. Well boys and girls, I enjoy servility myself, I can luxuriate in the sense of superiority, I like the benefits of social stratification, but I know where it's coming from.

(Having said all that I agree that shopping in Germany sucks. Vive la France!)

Manuela und Daniel Ruda are blood-drinking, coffin-sleeping devil worshippers on trail for the murder of a 33-year-old man the couple has admitted to luring back to their apartment and sacrificing on an altar. The couple met through a personal add, which read, "Pitch black vampire seeks princess of darkness who hates everything and everyone." Manuela got 13 years and daniel got 15...in a looney bin! They missed prison because the judge agreed with the prosecutor who said "They are not monsters, just deeply disturbed characters."

This is the same country who let the man who ruined Monica Seles's tennis carrer, by running on the court and stabbing her, never spend time in lock up. Don't Germans know right from wrong and have the balls to say enough is enough? If Germans would have thrown their beer stiens at Hitler as he gave his hate speeches in the beer halls of Bavaria, the world would be a better place. They treat recycling as a worse offence than human suffering.

Now you might wonder why I attack the Master Race instead of The States. Well, to be honest there isn't enough time in the day to do all that.

Dolphins. Think about it. How could any master race of a planet that is 70% water not be amphibious? I'm sure you've all read Half Asleep in Frogs Pygamas. If not check out the Dogon People. They seem to be tapped into the cosmos in a way that an MIT education can only dream. We are an evolutionary fuck up. The bastard sons and daughters of the Universe. Hell, we can't even accept the fact that what ever we do with our bodies is a personal choice. Killing people because they believe their imaginary friend is better than ours? Ridiculous. We get all wrapped up in stopping others that we never start anything ourselves. 97% of people never realize a dream. 76% of stats are made up on the spot. Ain't life grand?

I was going to keep making fun of Germans because I think I'm clever and it gives me the giggles and was going to post-

"Falco, he was actually Austrian, but hell so was Hitler."

-but dolphins are cool.

Making fun of Germans is cool as well. There is nothing more frightening than being suprised in a narrow Venetian alley by a pack of German tourists. Hugging the wall and covering exposed areas is about your only hope. Running with the bulls is for pussies. Avoiding retired Germans on an organized tour is absolutely terrifying.

yeah right you two, it gives me the giggles too

and while you are enjoying yourself, perhaps you should start a global movement to introduce the death penalty. preferably The States - style, with special treatment for 14 - to 18-year olds

well, seig heil, kiss my ass you fucking white honkey germans, suck as dick and kiss my ass,
SEIG HEIL!!!!

Jack I have had my heart broken by a German and that is why I started this...it's all in fun, don't get malice.

jack old boy, by now you must be suffering from a bad-ass hangover, you have my sympathy. feeling tired and emotional myself