Bulletin Board of Bad Behavior

What do you do when you wake up at noon, under you're own matress with no memory of the night before?

1. ask what happened to the novel you were writing and carrying around with you.

2. ask if you made out with one of your ex-wife's co-workers and find out the last thing you're friend heard outside your bedroom was "I'd fuck you any other week of the month."

3. Check your phone log and make sure you didn't call your former employers and leave them messages about blowjobs.

4. Count the money in your wallet. you came with $120, now you've got 10

5. Find out what happened to that full stick of butter you had.

6. Ask why you have mysterious dots on your forehead. Find out you head butted random people in the bar.

7. Discover a hickey on your neck, oh, that was from the girl on the rag.

8. make hot dogs and put on some elliott smith

sounds like a pretty good night. I hope you find out more about what happenned

I don't miss this kind of shit.


I have two all time hangover horror stories. The first was my 17th birthday, when I woke up with a headache and a dull throb in my side and quickly remembered I had been in a car crash and that, amongst other things, my ribs were broken.

The other one was when I woke up in an army jail. Trust me, you have never known a worse feeling than that one.

yeah, i was in good spirits during this one. An army jail sounds pretty bad.

There is no man shagging in an army jail. My advice would be to be in superb physical shape though. I had to do four hours exercise a day And two hours drill. Then it was back to the jail house to scub the place for the rest of the time. Man, I was buff in those days.

sexy

Heh heh heh. Tommy the pinup, yeah? *elbows Tommy at the bar*

I'm actually drinking a New Zealand beer tonight of all things. Steinlager.

It would scare the crap out of me to wake up with all that going on Jake.

And no army jails for me thanks. Or broken ribs for dog's sake.

tommy
was that when you had your sex change? the morning after in an army jail?

Yes. And that is why I have been unable to to put fleshy parts of my body inside your poop shoot on all those occasions when you got drunk and asked me.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*slaps knee hysterically*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*falls off bar stool, onto floor*

ah ha....ha.....hah...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

you got a bar stool in your new apartment?

No, silly goose, this is the virtual pub of pax acidus here - that's why it's called "pub talk"! Here, have a packet of crisps.

crisps!

cripes!

that's a damn hard word to say, crisps.

...and then there's the morning you wake up in jail with a vague recollection of being beat up by the police and you've got the bruises to prove it. but at least they let you out at 7a.m. in the ghetto and finally you were able to hitch hike home and curl up in bed. everything was fine until you were woken by a sightseer who had finally found the dakota, and you remember your situation, no money, no job, and a day in court...but as long as you've got good friends you know you'll be able to carry on.

sounds like a country song