Wow.. my life is pathetic!

TragicPixie · Post by **TragicPixie** » Mon Nov 22, 2004 11:56 pm

So, I finally have free time - real free time; not time that I really should be doing some reading or writing a paper and I'm putting it off but real honest to god free time in which I don't have anything due and nothing really I could even work ahead on ...
and no one's calling me; or IMing me, or texting back...
and ... I'm utterly confused... and sorta lonely.

Wow. That's sad. All I have to do is read this and maybe write - but I'm not inspired so what's the use...

I guess I'll have a drink then before I go see the opening of my mural fuck!

Maverick · Post by **Maverick** » Tue Nov 23, 2004 3:00 am

what's a mural fuck?

This type of loneliness is why tommy suggested a pax convention, so that we could all get together and for a short time, not be lonely. But the world is set up to make people lonely, so the convention probably won't happen.

TragicPixie · Post by **TragicPixie** » Tue Nov 23, 2004 6:08 pm

mmm ... the holidays make me lonely - I have to be with my family; and they make me sad.
My roommate makes me lonely - because she won't talk to me and thinks she's better than me (why I'm not sure, even I think I'm prettier and that's saying something and I know my grades are better than hers).
My girlfriend(s) makes me lonely - the most recent because she never calls and I never hear from her; I only hear from mutual friends that she's worried about me, that she misses me, that she wants to see me... I don't even think she said goodby for Thankgiving break and that makes me sad. My other sorta-girlfriend makes me sad because she's far away in Philly ... and she's goregous and I miss her thighs and titsa nd kisses and I miss talking nad crying... and she doesn't call anymore either because she's living with her parents who don't want huge phonebills and can't keep up with her coke and cell phone bills. And I really just want her kissing my thighs and holding me.
My boyfriend makes me lonely because he's far away, and even though I want him to call I don't want him to call because that's too much money for him to spend.. and he worries too much and cares too much and I feel sad - because I'm just not worth all that. I just want to be held anyway and he shouldn't feel bad for being far away and not doing that when I was the one who decided it was important to go to university.
Sobriety makes me lonely ...

martino · Post by **martino** » Wed Nov 24, 2004 12:17 am

is something i experienced worst at 16. i also had some really bad bouts at 21 or so. but since meeting my wife at 24 i have not been lonely, or least i cannot remember. in particular, you are never alone and you are never lonely when you have a child. at least that applies to me.

pixie don't worry about the cost of calling from the uk. there are lots of independent service providers with pre-dial prefixes that enable you to call the US for maybe 10 cents per minute. just tell your guy you need to talk and he will find a way if he is worth your while. and if he doesn't -- well then by all means don't just stick with him because you are lonely; there are plenty of fish in the pond. if you don't believe me perhaps you are just swimming in the wrong waters.

TragicPixie · Post by **TragicPixie** » Wed Nov 24, 2004 12:30 am

Just because it's cheap and he'll do it doesn't mean I won't feel guilty for spending more of his money...
But he did call.. and I fell asleep talking to him but I'm still lonely. Instead of being lonely and alone in my room - I'm going shopping before my mother tries to feed me.

Tommy Martyn · Post by **Tommy Martyn** » Wed Nov 24, 2004 5:08 am

Mav,

You know I love you. In fact, I have a picture of you and Tracy (your Tracy not mine) here right now. Henry has a toolbox thingy for scrapbooks and we were going through old pictures and there you were. Regardless, I want it on the record that I want to do a pax convention for no other reason than I can and it would be fun to put real personalities to typed ones. You have to deal with your loneliness another way. I only have to kick my wife down the road to her parents place. And believe me, they can spare the space. I was thinking that the crew would congregate on a Thursday night (flying is cheaper) or Friday if driving. If that makes sense and have everyone away by Monday/ Tuesday.

It is my opinion that folks will always think this a good idea and do nothing to make it a reality. We have a lot of time to think about it.

Tommy Martyn · Post by **Tommy Martyn** » Wed Nov 24, 2004 5:11 am

I didn't have a pot to piss in when I was a student and still managed to call my wife. There were no international calling cards then. I had to use payphones which were more expensive than regular phones. She couldn't call me.

Still, try not to fall asleep when love comes a callin.

Maverick · Post by **Maverick** » Wed Nov 24, 2004 7:36 am

Iwas just being dramatic...I just wish it was easier for everyone to get together. I miss Matt since he moved, and Tommy since he moved, and sloth is always working and can't play basketball, and now it sounds like Matt went of fthe deep end and I've been too busy to call him and that makes me feel like shit. I hope he's ok, and I hope Pixie gets not-lonely, and I hope that we all get together some tiome

marky · Post by **marky** » Wed Nov 24, 2004 10:56 am

AMEN TO THE BABY JESUS, LORD>

TragicPixie · Post by **TragicPixie** » Fri Nov 26, 2004 6:26 am

I'm just going to continue my bitch fit here... it's a new record. I've spend barely 12 hours with my family and I already want to die. Fantastic...

in other news - as much as I get lonely, I am thankful that I don't have to live with them on a regular basis.

Maverick · Post by **Maverick** » Fri Nov 26, 2004 7:57 pm

God damn it, no more Paxaciders wanting to die! There are precious few humans interesting and different enough to come together in a dysfunctional little community like this, so none of you are allowed to die, at least not yet!

We are quickly becoming the last shreds of resistance in an increasingly homogenized, religiously motivated world that praises the ability to "make the hard decisions" like following the crowd.

WE need all our numbers to stay strong, and fight mediocrity by being themselves, fighting the guerrilla war not with traditional weapons but by writing things that the neo-conformists would hate (but would make them think), by proving our individual humanity by joyfully eating drinking, and fucking as we choose, showing those others what they are missing in their narrow-minded states.

So Pixie, while with your family, embrace your differences, because you are part of humanity's only hope.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Nov 26, 2004 8:09 pm

The internet has given people a voice. I'm not sure anyone is listening though Mav. I'm sure Pixie doesn't really want to die. And what? Miss the PA convention and the new Jude Law film? No way!

Post by **mccutcheon** » Fri Nov 26, 2004 8:11 pm

on days like this trying to type with shaky hands the last thing I need is to be kicked off and post as a guest. Shit. I guess I'll try to go shopping, like all good Americans do. If it gets overwhelming I'll just follow the crowd.

TragicPixie · Post by **TragicPixie** » Fri Nov 26, 2004 8:27 pm

Shopping is not good either - I am very, very afraid.
I do want to die though - the trouble is, I lack the conviction to do much of anything about it - or about anything. So it seems I'll be spending today in bed or dragged out to the malls with my mother.
I should be doing homework and studying for finals.

Bulletin Board of Bad Behavior

Wow.. my life is pathetic!

Wow.. my life is pathetic!

loneliness

internet and Pixies

days like this