Things I have learned in school

[marky]

1. Termite damage to your home is not deductible for income tax purposes.

2. Usual expenses of operating an illegal business ARE deductible with a few exceptions, one being in the case of drug dealers. That's right. My first class to do with income tax and already they are talking about how to do taxes for a drug dealer of all things. I love it. Get this: Drug dealers are not allowed to deduct their usual expenses of operating their business, BUT they ARE allowed to reduce their total sales by the cost of goods sold. So if they buy some stuff for a certain price, sell it for more than that, they can report their income as the difference between the two rather than the full amount they got from the buyer. It's like the government decided to cut drug dealers a little break. Hilarious. I'm sure drug dealers are lining up around the block to report these earnings on their taxes, right?

3. If you punch the word "damnit" into a recent version of Microsoft Word, it thinks you've made a spelling error and gives you a choice of words to replace it with:
dam nit
admit
demit
dimwit

4. A class offered at my school this term is entitled "Fundamentals Of Industrial Hygiene". Luckily this is not one of my required courses, but pray tell what on earth would such a class teach? The right kind of deodorant to wear if you work in a factory?

[Tommy Martyn]

Having been a production manager (mostly in the food industry) I feel qualified to answer that.

It is basically all about deoderant.

[Maverick]

do drug dealers pay taxes?

[sara]

Mark, that's an interesting class -- the one on deodorant or not.

I recently heard of a class being offered in a college near me called American Idol -- I kid you not.

Three credit hours for learning to critique -- what I'm not even sure, only in America.

[mongoose]

i wouldnt give Uncle Sam one red cent of sales. I run my shit like Enron motha' fucka'

[Tommy Martyn]

This should read, "Things I have been taught in school." If I'm any judge you'll probably forget three quarters of them and the rest will all meld together and end up in pub talk sometime in the next six months. So, the jury is out on what oyou have actually, "learned." Speaking of which, (pub talk) I'm staying up and getting pissed while the election results come in, so take no notice of anything I'm putting in pub talk tonight. I really do hate those characters who hang around the drinkers and contribute nothing other than a recitation of the behaviour of the inebriated from the night before.

[Tommy Martyn]

I should also add. Or in classic pub talk style.....

Industrial, "Hi Gene!" (makes waving motion to bemused bloke at the next table) and then laughs at his own awful pun.

There are a lot of frivolous and, frankly, silly courses on offer in american academia. AND there are a lot of sensible ones. I ploughed through lots of abstract theory to get a job in production management. I have yet to use it in a workplace setting. Fundamentals (what a great word) of anything related to the thing by which I was going to earn a living would have been fucking useful.

[TragicPixie]

I've learned that brandy makes it much easier to memorise latin declensions - and this was all at the suggestion of my prof.

[Tommy Martyn]

Oi Pixie, which part of England are you and your tits going to be living in?

[Tommy Martyn]

Please don't say Coventry. If you do I, and the rest of the PA will have to form a guerrilla (or would that be Gorilla) squad to kidnap you (and your tits) to save your soul. Mav is the leading tit man so he'd be in charge of that bit.

Also,

what happened to Tom? Did he get some fancy apartment and now he is too good for us? Gone to a new pub has he?

[TragicPixie]

Any part? Actually I'm really hoping he can find a decent (read better paying) job in York and I can go to school - cause York Uni. offers scholarships and such.

I still say Coventry is not so bad - the "that's too far" fight never works when I want to go somewhere; it's in the centre practically - everything fun is the same far distance away sooo that's nice. I suspect having the "that's too far" argument in York will be different.

I was thinking of somewhere south maybe in Cornwall - but what would I do there is the question.

[Maverick]

Remember, Tommy is the UK police, so you have to have the location of your new home (and possibly your fiance) approved by him. You can, of course, still move wherever you want and live with whomever you want, but if Tommy does not approve, he'll send Scouser hooligans to torment you, and you don't want that.

Perhaps now Tommy will clarify what Scousers are, since although I used the word, I'm not entirely sure.

[Tommy Martyn]

Cornwall would be wonderful. Getting a job would be tough though. York would be nice. It is a good University. Marky would come to visit on account of the Tudor fronting.

My favourite poet (after Willy Wonka)comes from Coventry. I guess it's not all bad. It is certainly central.

[TragicPixie]

Things to do in Cornwall:
Actually write my poetry
Try to have a pretty garden (you know, really plant things and then take care of them like I always swear to my mother I'm going to do... and then forget I planted roses and wonder why the flowerbeds are crispy)
Have sex... and I guess children
Finally finish a few stories.

[Guest]

Ha ha. You guys think I don't have my wits about me, that's it. You guys think I'm drunk and can't get my shit together enough to fuck about with logging in.