Bulletin Board of Bad Behavior

Simple pleasures in life. Ouch! Ever have your haircut by someone on crystal meth? I don't recommend it. I must admit I like to be touched. In Paris when I would get a haircut they would have these beautiful young women who were there only to wash and massage my head. It was such a delight and I would shamelessly flirt with these girls as they held my head back between two hands and ran warm water over me. This being Seattle I went to one of those rock n roll joints where everyone is dressed in black denim and talking about a record deal. It's cheap haircuts; basically Cost Cutters with tattoos. The chick had beady eyes, a Judas Priest T-Shirt and uneven bangs (haircut hint: never get your haircut by someone who has a crap haircut themselves.) and she was fast, doin' an Edward Scissorshands on me without the dexterity. I got cuts and nicks over my skull, ears and was bleeding on my right cheek bone. Ouch.

ok, im going to recount an anecdote but as I am quite hungover coming off a 3-day bender (guys in top hats and christmas vixens, was the theme for this weekend -- sounds like a mccutcheon story) i cant be bothered using proper punctuation. deal...

when I was in college I went about 4 years without cutting my hair. with my typical lack of moderation, when I finally decided to cut it, i shaved my head bald. we threw this huge party. a head shaving party! it was a blast, we tied my hair into a long braid, when they finally cut it off, it was like some ritualistic pagan sacrifice, everyone screaming and chanting "cut it, cut it" then this hand pops up out of the crowd holding my ponytail and everyone cheers and rushes to the chair with their scissors.

the guys (typical) didnt last long. they rushed to my chair eager for their pound of flesh, snipped off a chunk of my hair (for their lockets no doubt) then got bored and went back to drinking.

girls, however, really like cutting hair. so five minutes into it all the guys had left and i was surround by a dozen women stroking and caressing my head, while cutting my hair. it was like some crazy, hair cutting orgy dream...

then my friend Liz (who doesnt drink) was the designated Razor Girl. so she took me into the bathroom to actually take a razor to my head. god bless liz. what a patient sweet girl. we were there in close quarters locked in the bathroom together, im absolutely wasted and topless, she's holding a very sharp object, i keep "accidentally" shutting off the light and trying to kiss her ('oh, sorry, sorry, did I do that again?') not only did I not get slapped, there wasn't even a nick one my now pale, smooth skull

good party