Bulletin Board of Bad Behavior

i really like those nasty-semiotic lists, for instance
"what your car says about you"

you know, with this kind of stuff:

chevrolet camaro: i enjoy beating up people

acura legend: i'm too bland for german cars

chevrolet el camino: i am leading a militia to overthrow the government

ford crown victoria: i enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them

volvo: i am emotionally dead but want to live forever


they are nice because they are offensive and tend to be true.

so, in this vein of truth & nastiness, i propose we make a similar list of what the music you listen to says about you.

here are some suggestions; please add to them, or attack me if you don't agree.


coldplay: i am a bed wetter

david gray: i am a secret fan of chris de burgh

flaming lips: i am odd

limp bizit: i am a berk

george michael: i am a hair dresser

gorillaz: i am 14

oasis: life went downhill for me after 1996

primal scream: i take too many drugs

slipknot: i believe in suicide

yeah yeah yeahs: i am horny

i am 14 year old who takes too many drugs and life went downhill for me after I turned 6.

And I drive a 1990 Celica with a few dents and a stolen cdplayer which makes me... poor!

Blur- Anglophile who has never been to Britain

Kid Rock- I have no taste in music and think fake tits is the greatest invention since lite beer.

Marilyn Manson- Crazy Goth now but one day will be conservative soccer mom.

Smash Mouth, Blink 182 and all frat jock rock- Rock n Roll means beer bellies, backward baseball caps and bad facial hair. Kurt Cobain didn’t die for me, man.

The Strokes- (American fans) cool art students who have heard of and name-drop but never actually listened to Velvet Underground, Iggy Pop, or Television.

Eminem- I’m a gun carryin’ drug takin’ motherfucker kickin’ it with my homies back in the crib keepin’ it real in Stout, Wisconsin.

A secret fan of Chris DeBurgh! That's pretty funny Martino.

damn -- we forgot sting!

Sting- I'm Maverick.

Creed- I'm a 28 year old male virgin.

Dave Mathews- I like Starbucks coffee.

Bob Marely- I'm a white boy with dread locks who drinks Red Stripe.

Now I don't mind it when people knock off Sting now doesn't bother me too much, as long as we understand that the Police weren't too bad for the time of music they were in and I'm a real fan of Andy Summers' early solo career and Sting had his own part to play in that band, which I have much respect for. Sting's greatest acheivement in my opinion was the lyrics, which actually intellectualized the Top 40 in the early eighties.
No small feat.

Though I won't claim to own all the Police's records by any means.

The Police ain't Sting. Don't stand too close to me Mark or Russia won't love their children too.

The Cure & The Smiths- I wear black on the outside because black is still how I feel on the inside, except now that I've added a few pounders, black is also a good color (colour) to wear to make you look slimmer.

Oh baby Pax Acidus I've got loads more. But I think I'll wait until I get in touch with Martino to do a piece. Thanks, Martino! and when or if we ever do a piece they will be better than these, at least mine will be.

they were fucking good enough for me. i laughed out load when i read them.

but what is this about doing a piece? i thought you disliked hashish.

no, put all of them toggther and post them on the site under philo, where we put evertything we don't know where it goes.