Have you ever been so pissed off at your girlfriend, you fly into a rage. i
have, and it brought me to the very brink of insanity.
Jade was totally off the hook with a serious drug problem, and i could see
she was not the woman i fell in love with anymore. she became a fucking lying,
coniving, stealing whore. I had my own slight drug problem, and had been up for
three days. It was the wrong time for her to refuse to make love to me. At that
point, i seriously lost it. all traces of the real dooien were gone to anger. I
started to call her a whore and throw twenties at her, asking her if she would sleep
with me for money, like the tramp she was. I callled her a slut, a methodical bitch,
just about everything you could possibly think of. She sat there unaffected,
staring blankly into space. I just couldnt take it anymore. I got directly in her
face, knowing she hated that. all of a sudden, the blank stare left her eyes and she
flipped out. she grabbed a knife and threatened to kill me if i didnt stop. But it
was too late for that, my rage had gone unchecked for far too long. Instead of
stopping, i just got worse. I remember telling her "do me a fucking favor, do it,
fucking kill me you dirty whore" amongst other things. all of a sudden, her
demeanor changed again, and in this really evil voice she commented that i would have to
go to sleep sometime. I really thought at that point death was the only thing that
could break our bond. I had really gone over the edge. I was paceing the apartment,
tool in hand, pleasing myself as i insulted her. It was sick and wrong and i loved
it. Finnally, i freaked the devil herself out. I won and had an amazing orgasm
as i really let jade know exactly how i felt.
Later that evening, after i had had my fill of the bullshit, i retired to bed.
i had just closed my eyes when something told me to open them. There she was, Jade,
sitting next to me on the bed with a look of death in her eyes. She had used a
scalpel to tie her hair in a bun, and had this very morbid look in her eyes. This
was the same girl who had been known to drug me, and always said she fantasized
about skinning me alive. I think the only reason she didnt is because she would
have too tough a time hiding the body. The knives she had thrown at me had always
ended up mising theyre target, and sticking in the walls. Jesus christ, this woman
was a true phsycopath. I was staring in the eyes of death herself, but my vengance
was just too powerfull. Again, i found myself telling her to do it. do me, fuck,
do us all a favor.
About a half hour later, something had startled me out of my slummber. It was
the reflection of light off the scalpel, as jade held it over my limp, tired body.
normally, i would have done something foul, but my vengance was just to strong.
I gave her a look filled with hate while very coldly said "the nightmare doesnt
start till i wake up" then i rolled over and went back to sleep. hell, whats the
worst she could do, kill me? at that point i would have welcomed the rest.
A couple weeks later, my last rage of insanity came upon me. I wasnt in control
anymore. the hell i was about to go through would rival any i had ever seen in my
entire life. it was then i felt my life was truely on auto pilot.
doobien.com
Brink of my insanity
-
Guest
-
Tommy Martyn
- Mile High Club
- Posts: 887
- Joined: Mon May 19, 2003 8:01 am
- Location: a desk
Whatever else you do Sloth, do not any account put this work up for one of those votes, like you do with the poetry. It is so fucking far beyond awful that there is a rare beauty in the level of lameness it attains.
I have two suggestions:
1) we vote for our favourite cliche from the above piece
OR
2) we all take turns to describe our mundane lives in the style of doobien.
I have two suggestions:
1) we vote for our favourite cliche from the above piece
OR
2) we all take turns to describe our mundane lives in the style of doobien.
i think it is interesting
because it is what is professes to be: a glimpse into an insane mind.
the insane, of course, are just like the rest of us: they can't spell, they can't write, they can't tell coherent stories -- they can't think. you could supply your local asylum with some paper and pencils and a basic creative writing course and you would get a lot of interesting stories.
on the other hand, shooting your wife doesn't make you a billy borroughs. and doing stupid things on drugs doesn't mean you are pax acidus material.
the insane, of course, are just like the rest of us: they can't spell, they can't write, they can't tell coherent stories -- they can't think. you could supply your local asylum with some paper and pencils and a basic creative writing course and you would get a lot of interesting stories.
on the other hand, shooting your wife doesn't make you a billy borroughs. and doing stupid things on drugs doesn't mean you are pax acidus material.
-
doobien
rage within
Life is a constant battle everybody always wants to be in charge, successful, and popular.
We all share one common goal were just trying to put are lives together, and fulfill our dreams.
Unfortunately were trying to appease everybody else,and we over look the purpose.
The purpose of life is self fulfillment.
Think about how many expectations were brought into this world with you. Outside of religious beliefs were all expected to act and be a specific type of person. Our family and the world dictates these early Impressions. The opinion I got from these outside factors was if you were poor, and UN educated you were a looser. My parents would simple call um minority's grouping um all together, and would include all races colors and creed. Bridge and gossip were all top priority's in Life growing up within an upper class environment. My parents couldn't even ground me in fear of my reaction and My presence. I was a hellion as a kid, and If Ritalin was around back then I'd probably be on it. My dad would always so no matter how bad it got. Son your a good looking kid and a good talker everything will be ok. There wasn't a lot of good family living like the cleavers around my house, and regardless of my family's great intentions. The environment and the attitudes that follows were my lessons in life. Friends were more like pawns. Certain people offered different pieces of the popularity puzzle, and fitting in with young upper class kids isn't easy. Early on I believed success was a fistful of money, and a trophy girl. Most Importantly being were it was considered hip, and to breath the air of a very shallow success. I also learned how to manipulate people, and get were i wanted threw them.
Being secure within yourself and your ideals should have no bearing on others idea's , and wants.
Attacking others seems to be a way for insecure people to feel better about themselves. It's not easy to get to this point of self-confidence both physically and emotionally. When people attack me I take it as a compliment. But life is a constant battle It's a battle of wits and your surroundings.
You are either a strong individual who leads people or a scared, fragile, opinionated fuck struggling for peoples acceptance. I've always found the people that gain my respect do so by their actions. Anybody can tell you your a failure. Unfortunately I Learned early on how it easy it was to play the game.
There are always two roads to choose in life. The road everybody thinks you should choose, and the path you'd choose without there impact. I all ways choose the path of destruction, and the thrill of the challenge and turmoils brought upon by it. Almost testing a high power our taunting his vengeance. I loved hearing the words you can't do that, and knowing you can indistinctly.
My whole life up until a week ago i've been trying to reach financial success to prove a point to my peers and family. I've also had a serious drive to prove to Devil that i can acquire everything offered to me, without his help, or guidance. My favorite temptations greed ,lust, and gluttony because to me there never is enough.
Everyone says I'm crazy, but i met the devil one day. My life has never been the same since.
Because i was offered everything i wanted in life, and turned it down. I was offered sex, drugs, and power, and i choose faith. To be in charge of my life, without knowing the outcome. It also left me with a very cynical out look on religion. Every time something goes seriously wrong in my life. I always think about this day, and wonder why i choose faith and god over the devil.
Basically feeling sorry for my self, and not owning up to the decisions i made that caused this. It took a lot to wake me up, and now i need to re think my life. But the question still lies inside me .Why did something super natural touch me, and change my life forever?
So I choose the path of destruction taking risks and chances. The impact and wisdom in life I learned I put into practice. I drooped of the worlds expectations . I went out side of normal thinking and searched within my soul. Success and happiness is different for everybody. My success was turmoil wealth and the splendors it offered. I used people as freely as they used me, and usually it was to my advantage.
I took the ultimate chance in life i choose faith, over having my life in charge of a supernatural being. I could only guess i met the devil, but it may have been god tempting my faith I'll never know.
I've always Envisioned the things I wanted, and then it become reality. There's always a way to full fill your dreams and accomplish your goals. It never will happen by taking other peoples advice, and doing nothing to set the path in motion you've chosen. With a vengeance and purpose anything is possible. I was always thinking weeks a head, and looked at every possible action possible, before I would lay a card down.
21 yrs old: A true story i was approached by the devil.
It was another average weekend at the bar. Pretending we were something we weren't to get laid or make ourselves feel better.
i went to the bar to get another cocktail. When i was leaving the bar to re join my friends i was stopped dead in my tracks. A woman approached me, and grabbed my wrist. She was in her late 30's and very overweight .
She said i came here to change your life, and fulfill all your dreams. She asked for a minute of my time, and i agreed. It was a simple short perfect close, and I respond Immediately. In fact I've used it many a times as a pick up line, and said correctly is very successful. If you get a response I'ts a simple tie down .
Within an hours time she told me every dark secret about myself, Only i would know. Afterwords she explained she was there to give me a choice . She also mentioned if i asked any further questions it would seriously affect my life. I should have walked away, but i couldn't i had to ask I needed to no the angles . Business was always a give and take, and at the cost of my soul I needed to know the rewards.
she simply gave me three choices in life.
1. The first choice was a career in music,our movies.
2. The second was a career involving finance, and power.
3. The third was simply fate.
I choose faith, she got up and we never meet again. I remember watching her drive away alone in a brand new white Benz.
Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?
I coulnd't choose option one our two. She freaked me out, and due to my upbringing as a Christian i did the right thing.
Only after I gained the spoils of temptation did I realize how stupid and pointless my quest was. The one thing I really want in life outside of material objects and possessions is something money can not purchase. The way my daughter unconditionally loved me. The look in her eyes of pure love and innocence a quality so rare only a child could have it. I wanted at a family, and set my goals in action. At first everything was perfect, but in my life it never last's.
I had the opinion fuck religion if this was my fate screw it. To loose everything i ever wanted after achieving it . I questioned my decision and my religious beliefs. I felt i was owed something, and was waiting for my rewards, and I'm trying to drop the anger and resentment I have for the world.
Everybody always wants something from you. Or they expect something of you. They always say what you want to hear to get what they want. People are all whores selling themselves and their opinions. Actions are the only thing you can trust. As soon as your guards down expect to get fucked. That is our world which we have created. If you realize this your one step up on most folks.
So, please don't let the worlds opinion guide you find security in yourself and Make your own decisions. Take a fucking chance in life and do What you feel is right.. Instead of bitching about others to feel better about yourself. The world is full of opinions everybody has one just like ass holes. When people spout out there opinions listen to them, and remember there only opinions.
People are mostly stupid simpletons whose opinion is worthless. I could write a novel explaining how to achieve all your dreams and goals, but as soon as I miss spell a word, I'm a fucking retard.
Most people don't believe one persons opinion could change the world. I believe one person could change the entire course of the world. If you truly envision it happening it becomes reality. People of great power and strength don't wait for advancement or opportunity, they take it. Nobody truly gives you respect until its earned or warranted. Not by what you say, but by what you do. Only when you've gained that power can your words make a difference.
I was once told I was an energy. I believe that to be true.
For now, I'm sick of fucking everybody else's problems. It's so much easier when people think you're stupid. Not only does it give you an edge, but people expect less of you. When I was on top off the world, people knew I had something to offer, and everybody wanted a piece. Now, I'm not sure what to do I enjoy having no responsibilities at this point. Spending my free time,writing and sharing my life. Looking back on my decisions Ive made in the past, And searching a way to make it better.
I don't read the newspaper our follow current events . I'd rather change the world than debate something someone else created out of fear of what might happen. I think outside of the bounds of simple man, and try to keep current event far from me. I currently feel as If I just fought a war, and am still awaiting my rest. Unfortunately my insanity has left me with an enormous debt, and more responsibilities than one person could juggle our manage.
If I only could figure out what I really want. I used to think happiness was endless drugs and whores with everybody kissing your ass. Material objects. My story Will be timeless and my memories will always be there. Success is not financial gain to me anymore that's for sure. Please do not get me wrong, I'm far from broke. I'm in the top 90% of the U.S.A. in income earned. How pathetic is that.
So I just had a vision of were my happiness lies, but if I fail it will be the end of my life. This I'm sure offend if I succeed not only will I prove everybody wrong. I will have saved my life from the path I was on. Hope fully threw my personal experiences in life you'll get some unknown wisdom and make the right decision. Up until now I made every wrong decision, and am still far from perfect.
I"m going to leave you to ponder this and put the pieces together.
doobien.com
We all share one common goal were just trying to put are lives together, and fulfill our dreams.
Unfortunately were trying to appease everybody else,and we over look the purpose.
The purpose of life is self fulfillment.
Think about how many expectations were brought into this world with you. Outside of religious beliefs were all expected to act and be a specific type of person. Our family and the world dictates these early Impressions. The opinion I got from these outside factors was if you were poor, and UN educated you were a looser. My parents would simple call um minority's grouping um all together, and would include all races colors and creed. Bridge and gossip were all top priority's in Life growing up within an upper class environment. My parents couldn't even ground me in fear of my reaction and My presence. I was a hellion as a kid, and If Ritalin was around back then I'd probably be on it. My dad would always so no matter how bad it got. Son your a good looking kid and a good talker everything will be ok. There wasn't a lot of good family living like the cleavers around my house, and regardless of my family's great intentions. The environment and the attitudes that follows were my lessons in life. Friends were more like pawns. Certain people offered different pieces of the popularity puzzle, and fitting in with young upper class kids isn't easy. Early on I believed success was a fistful of money, and a trophy girl. Most Importantly being were it was considered hip, and to breath the air of a very shallow success. I also learned how to manipulate people, and get were i wanted threw them.
Being secure within yourself and your ideals should have no bearing on others idea's , and wants.
Attacking others seems to be a way for insecure people to feel better about themselves. It's not easy to get to this point of self-confidence both physically and emotionally. When people attack me I take it as a compliment. But life is a constant battle It's a battle of wits and your surroundings.
You are either a strong individual who leads people or a scared, fragile, opinionated fuck struggling for peoples acceptance. I've always found the people that gain my respect do so by their actions. Anybody can tell you your a failure. Unfortunately I Learned early on how it easy it was to play the game.
There are always two roads to choose in life. The road everybody thinks you should choose, and the path you'd choose without there impact. I all ways choose the path of destruction, and the thrill of the challenge and turmoils brought upon by it. Almost testing a high power our taunting his vengeance. I loved hearing the words you can't do that, and knowing you can indistinctly.
My whole life up until a week ago i've been trying to reach financial success to prove a point to my peers and family. I've also had a serious drive to prove to Devil that i can acquire everything offered to me, without his help, or guidance. My favorite temptations greed ,lust, and gluttony because to me there never is enough.
Everyone says I'm crazy, but i met the devil one day. My life has never been the same since.
Because i was offered everything i wanted in life, and turned it down. I was offered sex, drugs, and power, and i choose faith. To be in charge of my life, without knowing the outcome. It also left me with a very cynical out look on religion. Every time something goes seriously wrong in my life. I always think about this day, and wonder why i choose faith and god over the devil.
Basically feeling sorry for my self, and not owning up to the decisions i made that caused this. It took a lot to wake me up, and now i need to re think my life. But the question still lies inside me .Why did something super natural touch me, and change my life forever?
So I choose the path of destruction taking risks and chances. The impact and wisdom in life I learned I put into practice. I drooped of the worlds expectations . I went out side of normal thinking and searched within my soul. Success and happiness is different for everybody. My success was turmoil wealth and the splendors it offered. I used people as freely as they used me, and usually it was to my advantage.
I took the ultimate chance in life i choose faith, over having my life in charge of a supernatural being. I could only guess i met the devil, but it may have been god tempting my faith I'll never know.
I've always Envisioned the things I wanted, and then it become reality. There's always a way to full fill your dreams and accomplish your goals. It never will happen by taking other peoples advice, and doing nothing to set the path in motion you've chosen. With a vengeance and purpose anything is possible. I was always thinking weeks a head, and looked at every possible action possible, before I would lay a card down.
21 yrs old: A true story i was approached by the devil.
It was another average weekend at the bar. Pretending we were something we weren't to get laid or make ourselves feel better.
i went to the bar to get another cocktail. When i was leaving the bar to re join my friends i was stopped dead in my tracks. A woman approached me, and grabbed my wrist. She was in her late 30's and very overweight .
She said i came here to change your life, and fulfill all your dreams. She asked for a minute of my time, and i agreed. It was a simple short perfect close, and I respond Immediately. In fact I've used it many a times as a pick up line, and said correctly is very successful. If you get a response I'ts a simple tie down .
Within an hours time she told me every dark secret about myself, Only i would know. Afterwords she explained she was there to give me a choice . She also mentioned if i asked any further questions it would seriously affect my life. I should have walked away, but i couldn't i had to ask I needed to no the angles . Business was always a give and take, and at the cost of my soul I needed to know the rewards.
she simply gave me three choices in life.
1. The first choice was a career in music,our movies.
2. The second was a career involving finance, and power.
3. The third was simply fate.
I choose faith, she got up and we never meet again. I remember watching her drive away alone in a brand new white Benz.
Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy?
I coulnd't choose option one our two. She freaked me out, and due to my upbringing as a Christian i did the right thing.
Only after I gained the spoils of temptation did I realize how stupid and pointless my quest was. The one thing I really want in life outside of material objects and possessions is something money can not purchase. The way my daughter unconditionally loved me. The look in her eyes of pure love and innocence a quality so rare only a child could have it. I wanted at a family, and set my goals in action. At first everything was perfect, but in my life it never last's.
I had the opinion fuck religion if this was my fate screw it. To loose everything i ever wanted after achieving it . I questioned my decision and my religious beliefs. I felt i was owed something, and was waiting for my rewards, and I'm trying to drop the anger and resentment I have for the world.
Everybody always wants something from you. Or they expect something of you. They always say what you want to hear to get what they want. People are all whores selling themselves and their opinions. Actions are the only thing you can trust. As soon as your guards down expect to get fucked. That is our world which we have created. If you realize this your one step up on most folks.
So, please don't let the worlds opinion guide you find security in yourself and Make your own decisions. Take a fucking chance in life and do What you feel is right.. Instead of bitching about others to feel better about yourself. The world is full of opinions everybody has one just like ass holes. When people spout out there opinions listen to them, and remember there only opinions.
People are mostly stupid simpletons whose opinion is worthless. I could write a novel explaining how to achieve all your dreams and goals, but as soon as I miss spell a word, I'm a fucking retard.
Most people don't believe one persons opinion could change the world. I believe one person could change the entire course of the world. If you truly envision it happening it becomes reality. People of great power and strength don't wait for advancement or opportunity, they take it. Nobody truly gives you respect until its earned or warranted. Not by what you say, but by what you do. Only when you've gained that power can your words make a difference.
I was once told I was an energy. I believe that to be true.
For now, I'm sick of fucking everybody else's problems. It's so much easier when people think you're stupid. Not only does it give you an edge, but people expect less of you. When I was on top off the world, people knew I had something to offer, and everybody wanted a piece. Now, I'm not sure what to do I enjoy having no responsibilities at this point. Spending my free time,writing and sharing my life. Looking back on my decisions Ive made in the past, And searching a way to make it better.
I don't read the newspaper our follow current events . I'd rather change the world than debate something someone else created out of fear of what might happen. I think outside of the bounds of simple man, and try to keep current event far from me. I currently feel as If I just fought a war, and am still awaiting my rest. Unfortunately my insanity has left me with an enormous debt, and more responsibilities than one person could juggle our manage.
If I only could figure out what I really want. I used to think happiness was endless drugs and whores with everybody kissing your ass. Material objects. My story Will be timeless and my memories will always be there. Success is not financial gain to me anymore that's for sure. Please do not get me wrong, I'm far from broke. I'm in the top 90% of the U.S.A. in income earned. How pathetic is that.
So I just had a vision of were my happiness lies, but if I fail it will be the end of my life. This I'm sure offend if I succeed not only will I prove everybody wrong. I will have saved my life from the path I was on. Hope fully threw my personal experiences in life you'll get some unknown wisdom and make the right decision. Up until now I made every wrong decision, and am still far from perfect.
I"m going to leave you to ponder this and put the pieces together.
doobien.com
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Guest
OH NO this girl was the devils vengance and my payback for the life I lived and servived luckily.Anonymous wrote:doobien - if this is fiction, i suggest you rewrite it.
if it's not fiction, you have a very fucked up attitude (in which case you're probably aware of it). there is never a wrong time for refusing to make love to anyone. if this girl is a whore, it sounds like it was you who turned her into one.
THANKS
for being honest for a first post I figured wtf.
in my past post i left out one word and it messed with the meaning:
"the insane, of course, are just like the rest of us: they can't spell, they can't write, they can't tell coherent stories -- they can't think. you could, however, supply your local asylum with some paper and pencils and a basic creative writing course and you would get a lot of interesting stories. "
"the insane, of course, are just like the rest of us: they can't spell, they can't write, they can't tell coherent stories -- they can't think. you could, however, supply your local asylum with some paper and pencils and a basic creative writing course and you would get a lot of interesting stories. "
speaking of more important things brett,
what's your take on the markets. h meisner says the second half of august should be pretty strong. i am a subscriber to jim rohrbach, the weird market timer, and he is, since yesterday, buying the nyse. i have been out most of this year, only doing some mo-mo, but i am thinking of getting back in before everybody else boards the october-rush train.
Martino, I think your post sums up a lot of the problems. People are still waiting for a chance to buy. I think before we can recover we need to completely lose faith, and that clearly hasn't happened. Did you see Google? What kind of insane market cap is that? Having said that, I have found a few companies that do look tempting, both on NASDAQ and our CDNX market. It you want to talk more about it give me your email, the SEC doesn't look kindly on Canadians posting their market thoughts on US websites, no matter what forum is used.
ah, the delights of pax acidus.
probably the only forum in the world where, in a thread about some loony berk, one discovers that the kindness of strangers can even be found in matters of finance.
i take you up on your offer brett, with many thanks.
since i am leaving tomorrow for a business & pleasure trip to catania and naples (italy not florida) i suggest we continue in early september.
in the meantime my email is martin (insert the "at" sign here; i am spelling this out to confuse spambots) dornbusch (insert the dot here) com.
i take you up on your offer brett, with many thanks.
since i am leaving tomorrow for a business & pleasure trip to catania and naples (italy not florida) i suggest we continue in early september.
in the meantime my email is martin (insert the "at" sign here; i am spelling this out to confuse spambots) dornbusch (insert the dot here) com.